Dying to Dance
by AnnaChase
Summary: It's a story pretty much about madeup characters. Instead of Connor, there's a girl Anna, and she was raised by Darla but now lives with Angel. Explained in story. Chapter 9 up, COMPLETE FIC! Pleaase review me I need it I have a writers block for further
1. How One Night Changed 4 Lives

**Dying to dance**

**1. How one night would change 4 lives forever**

'And.. one, two, three, four!' Hélène, in the U.S. usually called Helen, Maissan yelled through the gym which was full of sweaty, dancing teenagers.

'Can't we take a break?', Colleen Jones asked. 'We've been dancing for 3 hours straight now!', she whined.

Helen glanced at her watch. 'O dear! You're right, sweetie. I'm sorry children, as you all know I just forget all means of time once we're doing so well as we are today. One more time! From the beginning!', she said and pressed the 'play' button on the ghetto blaster. The song 'Sunshine' started to play and the 6 pairs of teens started dancing again. All of them had a little duet-part. Jennifer Warner and Jason Woods were on first.

Jennifer liked to dance, but it wasn't her 'passion' as it was to her best friend Anna Chase. The two had been friends since Anna moved to Los Angeles and joined this dancing class. She turned out to be really good. 'Not weird if you count that she's been taught by the greatest dancers of Europe. She travelled through the whole world with her mom. You would think, cool, a mom like that! But not if you count the 'her mom being a an evil vampire who abused her for years' part. Anyway, Anna lives with her dad now. Also a vamp, but he has a soul. Better than nothing.', Jenny thought to herself.

When Wesley, the best friend of Anna's father Angel, started to date Jennifer's mother, Holly, the friendship between the two girls had grown.

Most of the girls in the dancing class didn't really like Anna. They were jealous because she mostly got all the main parts in their performances. Jennifer didn't mind, her real passion was writing. She knew it should be dancing, because she was in this professionally taught class her mom paid a lot of money for, but it just wasn't. Anna was very different. She once said 'the only thing that can stop me from dancing is dying.', and she probably meant that too. A few months ago she had the flu, and could hardly walk because she was so weakened by the fever, but she showed up at the dance-class. Only to be sent home by Helen, of course. But that didn't work until she eventually gave in after a lot of arguing. Anna would never say something she didn't mean

. 'Very good, Jason! A little more passion, Jen!', Helen commented when they finished their duo-solo, as they called it for fun.

Next were Colleen and Thomas, followed by Sarah and Christian. All of them did really well today. Or '_magnificent_', as Helen said, her French roots sounding through in her voice. The last pair were Anna and Liam. It was always a pleasure for everyone to see them dance. Anna always seemed to put her mind, body, and soul in it. She 'became' the music once she started to dance. Even the greatest idiot could see that. Liam was really good too. Jenny thought it was a pity his parents couldn't afford Juilliard. That school is like the key to fame.

Anna would go to Juilliard, she won a scholarship and was busy making plans to move to New York after this summer. Of course she would be at home during holidays, but that wouldn't be the same. Jennifer knew she was going to miss her friend like crazy. She still had to spend at least a year on high school herself, because she was only fifteen. Anna recently turned seventeen, so that changed the case. 'Perfect Anna! Liam, _excellent! Très bien, mes enfants!_', was Helen's encouragement to them. When everyone had had their turn, she decided it was time to call it a day. _' Mes enfants_, that's it for today! Don't eat too much junk food and make sure you're well-rested because it's an extra long training tomorrow!', she said enthusiastically as always, already looking forward to the next day. Groaning and exhausted the 12 teenagers made their way to the separated changing rooms. Several minutes later, after taking a shower and getting dressed again, Jennifer glanced at Anna. 'Are we still going out?', she asked. 'Sure, unless you have a reason not to go?', Anna replied, starting to comb her long straight blond hair. 'I was just checking. I thought you might've forgotten.', Jen shrugged. 'Bryan is probably waiting for us outside again, so we should hurry.'. Anna nodded and swallowed hard at the comment that she 'might have forgotten'. It sounded like she couldn't remember anything but appointments of dance-training, rehearsal, and performances. It made her sound like dancing was all that mattered to her. And that, made Anna wonder; 'Was Jennifer right?'.

'There you girls finally are!', Jenny's brother Bryan, who had already been waiting in the car with Liam for about 30 minutes, exclaimed. The two girls stepped into the car. It was Holly's car, so they were supposed to be extra careful with it. 'Can I drive, Bryan?', Jennifer asked. She would turn sixteen in about 3 and a half months, so considered herself old enough to drive. Unfortunately the California law disagreed with her at this point. She'd driven before, but that was in Bryan's old car which wouldn't look bad on the pile of write-off cars. Something very different than driving in her mom's Corvette!

'You're not going to drive.', Bryan assured her. 'And why not?', Jenny asked, grumpy. 'Mom told me not to let you drive and you know it.', he said plainly, driving off towards their favourite club called Insomnia., where they would spend the Friday night. 'O, right. And you do what mom says since...?'. 'Since I don't wanna work all summer to pay the damage you'll cause once you put your little hands on that steering wheel. ', he stated. His sister spent the rest of the ride to the club pouting and glaring, but once they entered Insomnia and she spotted the boy she liked, she forgot about what had happened in the car and became a happy, crushed teenage girl again.

It was a great evening for all of them. Bryan and his girlfriend Julia were more in love than ever, and Liam and Anna were the highlight on the dance floor. They both were a little tipsy and felt like they could dance all night. 'I love you Anna!', he shouted, because the music was too loud to talk on a normal tone. 'What!', Anna shouted back, unable to hear him because of the strong continuous beat of the loud r& b music. 'I love you!', was his next attempt, and this time Anna did hear him. She smiled brightly. 'I love you too!', she exclaimed. That was the first time she said 'I love you' to someone else than her dad or step mom Cordelia. And it felt great. But the music started to become really annoying now. Liam couldn't hear a word of what she was saying. He did see the words being formed on her to him perfectly shaped and red- coloured lips, but he needed to hear it too. 'What!', he yelled, cursing the music under his breath. Anna sighed, wishing now that they'd g one to a more quiet place, where they could actually talk. But unfortunately, talking wasn't an option now. So, as a response, she grabbed Liam and kissed him on the lips with a sudden move. That made her reply clear to him. He soon recovered from the shock and started to kiss her back. He wrapped his arms around her slender waist, no longer bothered by the music, because they heard their own music now. And it was the best he ever heard. But it didn't last long however..

After a few minutes, they were tapped on the shoulder by Bryan. 'Sorry to interrupt, but we need to go home.', he said, actually hear able on a normal volume because the music had turned into a soft love-song. 'Go home? It's only 12:30.', Liam frowned, not bothering to hide his displeasure about this. 'I know, but I promised mom to take her home at twelve.', Bryan said, glancing over at his younger sister who was chatting at the bar with the boy she had a crush on. 'All right then. Fine.', Liam sighed, and wrapped an arm around Anna's shoulders.

A few minutes later the four teen's headed back to the car. Jennifer was struggling against Bryan's hand which was dragging her by the arm and extremely angry.

'It is 'so' unfair!', she yelled. 'You can't just show up while I'm talking to Dave!'. Her brother rolled his eyes, let go of his sister and unlocked the car. 'I'll never go out with a child again.', he promised himself, muttering. 'I am so not a child! How dare you calling me a child!', she said indignant. 'Yes you are.'. 'I am not!'.

Anna and Liam gave each other a glance. 'Ehm, guys.. We're freezing here.', Anna said. 'You may want to continue this at home?'. 'Fine', Jennifer said. ''If' I can drive now.'. She really didn't let an occasion go by to ask the same question over and over again.

'No you can't drive.', Bryan answered, the same as always. 'But you're drunk!', Jen said, grinning because she finally had a reason to drive. 'I'm not drunk, Jen. Okay.. I maybe had a few beers, but ..'. 'Ha! I knew it!', she exclaimed joyfully. 'Mom will kill you if she finds out you drove after drinking.'. 'But she will kill both of us when she finds out I let you drive.', Bryan replied, wondering why 'he' had to have a sister like this. 'I'll be really careful. 'And' I'll do the dishes for you this week.', she offered with a sweet smile. He thought about it. If she would do his dishes that meant he could spend more time with Julia. Not bad. He considered that too, and eventually gave in. 'don't go past the speed limit.', he said., taking place in the passenger's seat. 'I wouldn't dare.', Jenny grinned, and started the engine. 'You're letting her drive?', Anna asked worriedly, having a bad feeling about this. Bryan shrugged. 'She's done it before.'. 'I just don't want to end up dead.', she said. Jenny laughed. 'You're such a bore sometimes, Anna.', she put her foot on the accelerator, speeding up. 'See? She's doing fine.', Liam attempted to comfort her.

'Yea! I'm doing great!', Jennifer laughed, letting go of the steering wheel one second to turn and face Liam and Anna. 'The road, Jennifer!', Anna screamed. Jenny rolled her eyes and turned back, but she was losing control over the car and hadn't seen the sharp corner coming up. She desperately tried to keep the car on the road, only vaguely hearing the screams of her brother and friends.

'Bryan!', she asked panicky. Her brother tried to take over, but they were too far gone already. It all went so fast, in less than a second the car had 'rolled over' and crashed with full speed into a tree...

Several minutes later Jennifer opened her eyes. 'Was it morning yet?', she wondered. 'I don't want to go to school.. Head hurts..', she groaned, and wondered where the wind she felt came from. Was there an open window? It was only then that she realised she was in a car... Why was she in a car? Did she sleep here? Why? Glancing at the side and seeing Bryan unconscious with blood dripping from his forehead it all came back to her; the car had crashed. Oh no! Her mom's car! She needed to see how bad the damage was! Slowly she sat up. Her vision was rather blurry, and she was in too much of a shock to think clearly. The fact that her head hurt like hell and that she was really nauseous didn't help much with that. She vaguely heard a soft groan coming from beside her. 'Bryan!', she thought. Her next thought was; did anyone get hurt? Oh no.. What is someone got hurt? It would be her fault!

She was blinded by the panic. 'Jen?', Bryan asked, confused and slowly regaining consciousness again. 'What happened?'. 'I think we crashed..', she replied thoughtfully. 'Are you okay?'. Her brother touched the wound on his forehead and nodded. 'I'll live.', he said. 'How's the rest?'. Jenny sat up a little more and turned around to face Liam, who was sat on the backseat and just waking up. 'Is everyone okay?', he asked when he spotted the familiar, but unusually pale, face.

'I think so.', Bryan replied. 'A few cuts and bruises but that's about it.'.

Jennifer was so nervous and in shock that it made her laugh. 'It's kind of funny don't you think? I mean, Anna pretty much warned us for this.'. Her laughing turned into crying. 'Right, Anna?', she sobbed. She waited for Anna's reply and turned around when none was heard. Only to find that Anna was no longer in the car...

Apparently, they all had been too shocked and confused to notice Anna was missing. Jennifer felt a cold shiver going down her spine and the very little colour left on her face disappeared.

'Anna?', she asked again.

'Anna where are you?'. She hardly recognised her own voice. It was all shaky and squeaky. She sounded like a lost little girl. Where was Anna? Was she okay? And, what would happen if she wasn't...?

She felt Bryan's hand on her shoulder. 'Liam and I think she got swung out of the car or something.. We need to find her. Do you think you can walk?', he asked her in a soft tone, understanding this was a rather hard time for her. Jenny nodded. She didn't say anything because she didn't really trust her own voice yet, and climbed out of the car., followed by the two boys. They walked down the road they just crashed on together, desperately looking for any sign of their friend.

'Anna!', they all yelled.

And at the moment Liam saw two feet coming from under a tree.

Anna's feet.

He slowly walked over.

Anna's feet..

Anna's legs...

Her whole body, from the waist up covered in blood. He didn't dare to look further, but his eyes didn't want to obey and looked up at her anyway.

His breath caught.

It was Anna.

His Anna.

The shock disabled his brains to work. The only thing he could do was just stand there. He hated himself for it at that moment. He wanted to kneel by her, check her pulse, call 911, or at least yell to the rest that he had found her. But it was like his body had just stopped functioning. When he heard Jennifer and Bryan's voices come closer, he still just stood there, tears running down his cheeks, wanting to stop them but couldn't.

After what seemed an eternity, finally two ambulances and a police car showed up.

Liam felt someone put a blanket around his shoulders. He heard an unknown voice but didn't understand what it was saying. He was taken into the same ambulance as Anna.

Anna..

He remembered seeing her body all covered in blood.

And now he didn't even have guts to ask how she was...

Bryan and Jennifer watched the ambulance drive off. Both tangled in their own web of thoughts. They didn't notice the young blond police-officer walking by until she started talking. She introduced herself as detective Kate Lockley and showed them her badge.

'Can any of you tell me what happened here?', Kate asked.

'The car.. it crashed..', Bryan told her, stammering a bit because he was shocked to find the police being present so soon already.

Jenny nodded, looking rather timid and scared. Kate wrote some things down in a little notebook. 'All right.', she said. 'Whose car is it and who was driving it?', was her next question.

'It is.. it 'was' our mom's car.', Bryan answered, looking over at the pile of metal that used to be his mom's expensive Corvette. He swallowed slightly.

Kate followed his glance and raised an eyebrow. 'Who was driving the car?', she repeated her question.

Jennifer glanced at her brother.

He looked back at her.

Seconds passed and Kate was getting annoyed

'I don't have eternity, you know. Come on, answer the question. 'Who' drove that car?', she asked one more time.

Bryan stared at his little sister one more time and eventually said; 'I was.'.

'That wasn't so hard now was it?', Kate asked, again making notes.

Jenny didn't know what to do. Why was Bryan taking on all her blame! Was he insane! She wanted her mom now. Holly would know what to do. She felt salty tears start to run down her cheeks. Bryan put an arm around her.

Kate paid no attention to the tears. Doing this job for so long had hardened her. Tears no longer affected her. She looked at Bryan.

'May I see your driving-license?'.

He nodded, put a hand in his pocket and got out his driving license. He handed it to her, and she took a quick look at it.

'Bryan Warner..', she read out loud.

'Phone number?'.

He gave it to her.

'Are your parents at home?'.

'My mom is.', he replied.

'Does Bryan have to go to jail now?', Jennifer asked scared and panicked. Again she was speaking in that trembling, unfamiliar voice. If he would have to go to jail, then it would be her fault!

'I can't say yet. You're both in shock and need to be examined at the hospital. There they will call your parents and we'll have a talk about what happened and what will happen further together then. Also not unimportant; how bad your friend is doing, will also be important to decide your punishment.', Kate answered, and she started to lead the children to the ambulance, where the paramedics helped them in.

'I will see you both soon.'.

She started to walk back to her car.

'Do you think it's bad with Anna?', Jennifer asked.

Bryan shrugged. 'She didn't look so well. Let's hope it's less bad than it looked like.'.

'But what if she.. what if..'. Jenny hardly dared to say the words. What if Anna wouldn't survive? No.. she couldn't think of that.

She 'had' to survive!

Else... else she would be a murderer!

And Bryan would get the blame...


	2. Never dance again

**Dying to Dance**

**2. Never dance again**

30 minutes later Angel and Cordelia rushed into the hospital. They had been told over the phone that Anna had had an accident, but had no idea about how bad it was. So, they were extremely worried of course. Although Cordy was so busy keeping Angel calm that there was hardly no time left for her own worries. 'Stop panicking. You don't even know 'what' is going on! She probably only has a few cuts and bruises!', she said, trying to sooth him a little.

'Cuts and bruises!', Angel panicked, terrified of his little girl being hurt just the slightest bit.

Cordy walked over to the information desk with him and asked the nurse sitting behind it what was going on. The nurse told them to go and wait in the waiting room because the doctors weren't finished with Anna yet.

'Come on. They're still examining her.', Cordy said, and led her close-to-hysterical-fiancé to the waiting room.

"I need to see her!', Angel said, allowing Cordy to put him on one of the uncomfortable little plastic chairs. The whole hospital made him feel uncomfortable, but the chairs were the worst. They just seemed to scream' Feel uncomfortable!'.

Not really what Angel needed right now.

'Coffee?', Cordy offered.

'I could actually use a drink.'.

'I don't think they serve Lorne's Sea Breezes in a hospital.', she said, and threw some coins in the coffee-machine. She filled two cups with coffee and handed one to Angel.

'Thanks..', he said with a sigh.

'Why is it taking so long!', he exclaimed after only a few seconds. Cordy sighed.

'You won't speed up time by asking that the whole time, you know.'.

'I'm sorry.'. A nostalgic smile appeared on Angel's face. 'Do you remember when she was only one year old and hit her head on the table side? Then we were sitting here as well.. But at least then we knew what was wrong with her.', he said sadly.

'They will come and talk to us soon.', Cordelia promised him. It didn't comfort Angel a lot though.

'I shouldn't have let her go out with those.. those.. boys.'.

Before Cordelia could defend 'those boys' the door went open and Holly stormed in, followed by Wesley who was having trouble to keep up with her.

Holly's long brown hair was not or hardly brushed and quickly put in a ponytail. She was wearing an old denim jeans and a white cashmere sweater. The white of the sweater made her shocked face even paler. The high-school Cordelia would say she went out of bed in the middle of the night and took no or little time to work on her appearance. The nowadays Cordelia thought that she looked like she just got out of bed in the middle of the night with the message her children were in the hospital.

And she could understand that so very well.

Wesley didn't look much better.

He recently started to wear contact lenses recently, but now he didn't have had time to put them in, so was wearing his glasses again. He was wearing a pair of jeans as well, and a dark green sweater. His hair was even more messed up than usually.

'What the hell is going on!', Holly yelled, making her way over to Angel and Cordelia, who almost dropped her coffee when Holly started yelling.

'We know just as little as you do.', Cordy said.

'Calm down, darling.', Wesley soothed her, putting his hands on her shoulders, massaging them lightly. 'It'll be all right. I'm sure they're fine.'.

'I really hope so..', Holly replied with a sigh. She sat down with Wesley on the much hated plastic chairs and leaned in to him. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the migraine that started to show up again, like always on much wanted moments...

After several minutes she spotted both of her children walk through a door into the waiting room, followed by a doctor.

'Bryan!' 'Jennifer!', she exclaimed, and ran over to them. She pulled both of her children into a hug so tight it made them gasp for breath. Eventually she let go of them and turned to the doctor.

'Are they okay?', she asked him, still a bit panicky.

The doctor nodded. He shook Holly's hand.

'My name is dr. Michaels', he introduced himself.

'Your children are fine, Mrs...', he paused and looked at the medical record in his hands.

'Mrs. Warner.', and smiled.

Holly didn't smile back and wondered what the man wanted from her.

'You'll probably want some time to talk to your children. But after that the police would like to talk to you.'.

Holly slowly took in the words, and eventually nodded. She waited till the doctor had left and Angel and Cordy went to the information desk to ask why it was taking so long.

Wesley wasn't sure if their relationship was serious enough for him to stay, so he hesitantly and rather insecurely headed for the door.

'You can stay, Wes.', Holly told him, with what could be a smile in any other occasion on her face. She eyed her two children, who now were sitting on the plastic chairs, looking timid and possibly somewhat frightened for what was to come.

Bryan looked up when his mom didn't say anything, but it was like Holly had been waiting for this moment, because it was then she started to yell.

'What the hell- I mean heck- did you think you were doing!', she shouted.' Didn't I warn you! Didn't I tell you a thousand, no, a million times NOT to drive after drinking! Didn't I, Bryan Joseph Warner!', she continued her outrageous tirade.

Bryan swallowed. 'You did, mom.', he said quietly.

'Then WHY! Bryan, why!'.

'Mom.. your car. I'll pay everything back..', he promised sadly.

'You bet you will! But that's not the point... It's Anna! Anna is the point. What if it's bad with her!'.

Both Bryan and Jennifer looked at the floor, finding their shoes suddenly rather interesting.

Wesley watched it all, feeling uncomfortable and unsure what to do. And so, he started to get coffee for all of them from the coffee machine.

'Mommy.. ', Jen started. She couldn't stand this much longer, to watch her mom yell at Bryan for something he didn't do. She started to cry again and a pitiful look appeared on Holly's face. She walked over to her daughter and put her arms around her.

'O sweetie. Don't cry. None of it is your fault. I shouldn't have let you go with them in the first place. You're my sweet little girl.', she smiled and stroked Jennifer's hair.

'Mommy..', she sobbed again.

'I was..-', before Jennifer could confess that it wasn't Bryan but her who was driving that car Holly had already stopped her again.

'Shh, I told you it's okay. Why don't you go and drink some coffee with Wesley?'.

Jenny let out another sob and slowly walked over to Wesley.

Holly took place next to Bryan and had gone silent by now.

Jennifer still wanted to confess what she had done, and so she looked at her brother for some help and support, but he just shook his head at her. She stared at the coffee in her trembling hands. She 'really' had to tell.. If she wouldn't do this right now she would probably never be able to find rest again!

'It was me who was driving, mom. Not Bryan.'.

Bryan looked up at her sharply, and Holly turned even more paler than she already was tonight. 'No sweetie. You're just in shock, you don't know what you're saying.'.

Jenny looked up now.

'I 'do' know what I'm saying! Mom I was driving that car! Please listen to me!', she cried.

'No, you listen to me, Jennifer.', Holly walked over to her and looked her in the eye.

'You were 'not' driving that car, understand?'. She had said it with such a persuasion in her voice that Jen and everyone else in the room almost believed it.

Almost.

'Your brother was driving, a little bit beyond the speed limit, and he didn't notice that corner because it was too dark. There are no lights on that road, so this is all the fault of the government. Understand!'.

'Holly.. I don't think that...', Wesley started.

'Shut up, Wesley. If we stick to this story, we'll only have to pay some money and no jail is involved. But when we tell the truth, Jennifer will get a record, go into prison, and spoil her entire future! Don't tell me you think that is the best thing to do!', she said.

Wesley swallowed, he wasn't used to Holly yelling at him.

In fact, he wasn't used to Holy yelling at anyone.

She was always very sweet, and loving, and hardly ever raised her voice. She was a psychologist, so she knew what to do in crisis situations too. But when it involved the future of her very own children, it was all very different. She now had to choose between the easy, yet wrong, lies, and the hard, but honest truth.

What would you do?

'They'll find out..', Bryan said.

Holly shook her head. 'Not if this stays between us.'.

Jennifer clung to her mother, she was really scared and didn't want to lie to the police at all!

'But Liam, and Anna...'.

'Liam and Anna are in shock. They won't, or won't want to remember much of the accident. So, will this stay between us?', Holly questioned them, first looking at her daughter, then at her son, and eventually at Wesley, of whom she knew he still had doubts about this.

'Yes mom.', Jenny answered, and Bryan nodded, agreeing as well.

'They won't hear anything from me.', he promised.

Wesley was still a bit hesitant, but he could see Holly's point.

'All right.', he eventually gave in.

Every minute Angel's nerves increased. Cordy wasn't really calm anymore either by now. After lots of endless minutes, finally the door of Anna's room on the ER opened and dr. Michaels walked out.

'Are you Anna's parents?', he asked them.

'Yes.', Angel quickly said, without any hesitations, and even thought they were in a really bad situation right now it made Cordy smile. She really did consider Anna as her own daughter. The doctor and Angel and Cordy introduced themselves to each other.

'You may want to step into my office.', he told them, and they walked into his small and uncomfortable, badly decorated office.

'Have a seat.', dr. Michaels said, sitting down behind his desk.

They sat down.

'I just examined your daughter..', he glanced at the medical record again, the man's best point definitely wasn't remembering names of patients. 'Anna.'.

'And?', Angel asked impatiently.

'Is she okay?', despair sounded through in his voice, because the look in the doctor's eyes didn't promise much good.

'I'm afraid to say that she's not.'.

Cordelia put her hand on Angel's arm.

'Then what's wrong with her? She will be okay right?', she asked, sounding desperate as well.

The doctor's best point also wasn't telling bad news, so he started to talk about difficult medical terms they wouldn't possibly be able to understand without spending 6 years at university.

Angel coughed. 'What?', he asked, with a confused frown. It all sounded like Chinese to him. Well not Chinese. He spoke Chinese, so another difficult language he didn't speak. Mandarin, perhaps? Was that even a language? He had no idea, his head was all messed up and he could only think of one thing; Anna.

'Just tell us in normal English.', Cordy said hesitatingly. She didn't understand a word of it either.

Dr. Michaels took a deep breath.

'Your daughter is paralysed.'.

Cordy turned pale, and Angel was shocked, he had a look of disbelief upon his face.

Paralysed.., he thought.

Then she won't be able to dance anymore! Dancing is Anna's life! And if Anna can't dance...

He swallowed hard, trying not to let that thought enter his head. He wondered how he could possibly tell her this. It would break her. He stared at Cordy, but she was just staring at the doctor, who was looking quite nervous.

'H-how...', Angel asked.

The doctor started to talk about Anna's spine that got badly damaged, but Angel couldn't really listen to it. He hoped Cordelia was, or that the doctor would repeat it to them later.

'Paralysed...', he said again.

'For now.', Dr. Michaels said.

Both Cordy and Angel sat up in their chair and stared at the doctor. 'For now?'.

'For now, she's paralysed from the neck down. But we expect that with the necessary amount of therapy she should be able to move her arms again.'.

'But her legs?', Cordy informed, trying not to get her hopes up too much.

The doctor shook his head.

'I'm afraid that that's out of the question.'.

'Can we see her?', Angel asked, wanting to leave this office right away. He couldn't stand to hear this man talk about his daughter like this. Like she was.. just a patient, one among thousands of others. But she wasn't! Why couldn't he see that! Why couldn't he treat Anna better, longer, than all the others! She was special, she was HIS girl! She would be a great ballerina, and then he could proudly say; That's my daughter.

And then Cordelia could frown at him and tell him not to say that to every stranger, because it would make Anna shy. That always had been his future vision, he never looked further than that, he never dared to think that when Anna would die sometime, he would still have to spend eternity without her. And he was afraid the he wouldn't be able to do that...

His future vision was all gone now, destroyed by one terrible car crash.

One night.

24 hours ago he still watched Anna train, dance a piece from Swan Lake, followed by something from another composer he couldn't remember the name of. Why did this happen to Anna! Why to HIS Anna!

It wasn't fair!

'One of you can see her. No longer than five minutes per hour though. And I think I should warn you, she's in a private room on the ER, so please be aware of Anna's condition. She's unconscious right now, she has been since she was brought in here, so she doesn't know about her being paralysed yet..', the doctor said, and stood up.

'I'll show you her room.'. He left his office, followed by Cordy and Angel, and led them to Anna's room.

'When I know more, I'll contact you.', he promised, and left them behind, in front of a closed door.

'You can go..', Cordy said.

Angel shook his head. He wasn't scared easily, but the thought of his little girl in there... not being sure how she really would look..

How she would be...

Would she still be his girl?

That really did frighten him.

'No, you go.', he said.

Cordy sighed. 'She needs you, Angel. You're her father.'.

'But you're her mother!'.

A pause.

'No, I'm not..', Cordelia eventually said, rather softly.

'But Anna considers you to be so!'.

'May be, but she needs her father right now. You two are so close together!', she smiled a bit.

It was, really special, the bond Angel and Anna had together. And still have, she was sure of that. She didn't want to stand between that right now. Not now, not ever.

'Don't be scared, she's still your girl.', she encouraged him.

'But what if she..'.

'Go!', Cordelia said, and Angel complied, he entered h is daughter's room, not sure what to expect.. Not sure what he would find in there... Would it be Anna? Or.. or not?

Where was she..., Anna wondered. There was a room, completely in white, no doors or windows in it.

Was she dead now?

Then, if she was dead, why was she wearing red shoes, and the costume of the main character in her favourite movie '_Red Shoes_'?

And why was she feeling so good then? So very.. alive.

She heard music.

Music like in '_Red Shoes_'.

It had been her favourite movie since she was only 4 years old. When she was it for the first time, she realised; 'I want that too! I want to be like the lady in '_Red Shoes_'!

And here she was.

Same costume.

Same music.

Anna started to dance.

Same dance.

Several weeks ago, when she had trouble with a new dance, Helen had told her; 'It's not about dancing the dance, Anna. It's about the dance dancing 'you' When you can do that, then, and only then, you can call yourself a 'real' ballerina.'.

Back then, Anna had never understood that, and had just nodded when Helen spoke to her. But she understood it now, though. She could feel herself surrender to the irresistible music. She danced better than she ever did.

She 'became' the dance, and she wanted this delightful moment to last eternally.

It soon came to an end, though.

Suddenly, her body stopped dancing. Anna was rather frustrated, whatever she tried, from the neck down, she was paralysed! Not a muscle she could move!

While she was so busy with why she could no longer dance, she felt a wet, warm substance run down her body.

She figured out it was blood when she forced herself to look down at it.

It was her blood.

She panicked, she wanted it to stop!

Why couldn't she move!

She watched the blood run down her stomach, her sides, her legs, her feet...

It just kept flowing!

The white, perfect marble floor was soon completely covered in blood.

But Anna stayed alive...

'Anna... Anna..', she heard, but where did that voice come from? It was a familiar voice, but she couldn't open her eyes to see who it belonged to.

'Anna..', Angel said again, he sat down next to the bed Anna was laying in. He took her hand in his, and stared down at her with a worried expression upon his face. He sat there for a while, it was almost like 'he' was the one who was paralysed, instead of Anna.

He wished it was true, then she wouldn't be laying here right now.

After what seemed an eternity, Anna finally opened her eyes. She glanced around, taking in the room with boring white walls, a closet, white as well, and eventually, the bed she was laying in. White and light-blue sheets on it.

'W-where am I?', she asked, only then recognizing her father sitting by her bed.

'Daddy? Where am I?', she repeated the question.

Angel swallowed again. Now he had to tell her.. There was no way back now. He tried to remain calm, for Anna's sake, and for his own.

'You're in the hospital sweetie..', he told her gently and carefully.

A frown appeared on his daughter's face.

'In the hospital?', she thought for a moment, and then suddenly remembered what had happened.

The accident.

She remembered the fear, the loud noise of the car crashing, the pain...

And then there was nothing.

Or was there?

There was...

She remembered the dream as well. But what did that dream mean?

She wasn't dead or something... Yet she was overwhelmed with panick when she realised she couldn't move her arms!

She tried her legs.

No reaction either!

Just like in the nightmare...

'Daddy..', she started, tears forming in her eyes. 'Daddy.. I can't move..', she cried softly.

Angel had trouble not starting to cry as well. He sat on the edge of her bed.

'It's true.. isn't it? I'm paralysed..', Anna sobbed.

'I'm 'so' sorry.. Anna.', Angel said, reaching out to stroke her long, soft blond hair.

'I just.. I would like to be alone right now..', she said quietly. Anna found it really hard to try and deal with this with her dad next to her trying not to cry as well.

Angel nodded. He actually wanted to stay with her, but he understood that she didn't want him around at the moment.

'I'll be right out if you need me.', he told her, and left the room.

Anna stared at the closed door, a blank look in her eyes. Tears started to run down her face.

She would 'never' dance again.

Never.

She already got in to Juilliard, and that would all be out of the question now..

She felt like her heart was ripped apart but she could only cry a little bit.

It could be compared to a closed bottle of coca cola.

It was full, like her head was filled with tragedy, and her eyes with tears, but it was hard to be opened. Hard to release her sadness. Hard to accept the ending of her world.

She wanted to cry, o she really did. But she couldn't force the tears out of her eyes..

So, she just let the very little amount of tears go, and spend the rest of the time thinking about her dream. It had been quite a predicting dream.

Cause she really did become paralysed.

The word shot through her head like someone had just hit her really hard.

She was paralysed.

And she would 'never' dance again.

Never.


	3. Pure Passion

This is chapter 3 already! I'd really like to know what you guys think of it, so please review! This is my first long fic, I hope you all like it!

* * *

**3. Pure passion**

'And? Did she buy it?', Bryan asked when Holly re-entered the room after her conversation with Kate.

'She didn't hesitate.', Holly replied with a sigh, letting herself drop down on one of the plastic chairs.

'That's good, right?', Wesley asked, and Holly nodded.

'This is the best thing to do.', she said, trying to convince herself that it was true what she was saying.

Jennifer was really awkwardly quiet. How would she ever be able to live with this.. this sin? They had heard from Cordelia, who stopped by one second before she went outside to call Helen about what happened, how bad it was with Anna. Everyone was shocked, astonished, and Jenny felt like she was choking, the guilt squeezed her throat tight shit like invisible iron fingers.

Would it ever stop, she wondered.

'Where's Liam?', Bryan asked, noticing for the first time that Liam wasn't there.

'I think his parents took him home, he was pretty upset. In a shock.', Holly replied.

'Perhaps we should go home as well.', Wesley proposed.

'There is nothing we can do right now, and the children need rest. We both need rest too, it's quite late.'.

Holly nodded and smiled sweetly at him.

'That's a good idea, Wes. Come on Jenny, Bryan.'.

They all got up, each of them tangled in their own web of thoughts. It was only then that Jennifer realised that she was really exhausted. All she wanted right now was a warm, comfortable bed.

Or, she wanted to go back to yesterday, when this all had never happened yet.

In the following few months, Angel and Cordelia spent every single evening in the hospital.

Anna didn't seem to improve well.

In fact, she didn't seem to improve at all.

It worried Angel, because Dr. Michaels had said that she should be able to move her arms again, but then why wasn't that happening yet?

Apparently, the doctor was worried as well, because on a certain night, he invited Cordy and Angel into his office again.

'She's not improving.', Angel said, and the doctor nodded.

'Which is why you are here. Yesterday, we examined Anna again, a second opinion.'.

'And?', Cordelia asked impatiently.

'Well, according to the results of the examination, we found out that there is absolutely no 'medical' reason for the fact why Anna can't move her arms yet.'.

'No medical reason... Then what reason is there?', was Angel's question.

'We assume it to be mental.', Dr. Michaels said. 'You said she used to dance, right?'.

Angel and Cordelia nodded both at the same time.

'How important was that to her?'.

'Very. She lived for it. It was like.. a religion to her. She gave her whole heart, body, and soul. Sometimes she continued until her feet were bleeding!', Angel said, a tiny part of his mind wondering if maybe it was good that such things wouldn't happen anymore now. But then he felt guilty. He should want what Anna wants. Right?

'Aha! Exactly! Her whole life was dancing, but now she can't do it anymore...', the doctor said, glad to have found a cause for Anna's problem. 'She thinks she no longer has a reason to live!', Cordy finished the sentence.

'But she does! I mean, she doesn't have to dance to be happy! She has us, and.. and.. and.. she can go back to a normal high-school when she has recovered, and maybe go to college after that!', Angel summed up. 'Maybe even have another hobby.

It made Cordelia wonder if he actually believed in that.

He didn't. In fact, he wasn't.

He was just getting his hopes up.

Of course Angel knew a 'normal' life for his daughter wouldn't work out. He gloomed with pride.

His girl was extraordinary.

'I suggest that she talks to a psychologist, we continue the therapy, make it better, if possible, and I may have a friend for her. ', Dr. Michaels told them. He was very willing to help these nice people. He liked Anna too, and he was curious for the girl she used to be.

'A friend?', Angel asked.

'There is a boy around here, Josh Harris. He had a ski accident several months ago. He's in a wheelchair ,and will be forever, but I tell you, that boy is 'Unbelievable ' with a big capital!', the doctor said enthusiastically. 'I'm planning to let him pay Anna a visit soon.'.

'We have to try everything..', Angel gave in, not happy with his daughter getting visits from a strange boy. But he set his jealousy aside for now, because no matter what he wanted to help Anna become better.

'We'll also do our best to help her as much as we can.', Cordy said.

Dr. Michaels nodded in agreement. 'Very well. But, Mr and Mrs. Chase, don't you worry. I assure you Anna will 'not' leave this hospital before she can move her arms!', he promised them with a warm and kind smile.

'I hope you're right.', was Angel's comment. He got up slowly, leaving the office because his sudden need to brood in the dark, as always when things got harder.

'I'm sorry about that.', Cordy apologised for Angel's behaviour. 'He's just very worried. Anna's his.. 'our' only child, you know.'.

'I understand. He wouldn't be a good father if he would walk out of this door carelessly.

'Yea.. I suppose you're right.', she replied, and got up as well.

'I guess I'm going to go and see if he's okay.'.

The doctor and Cordy wished each other a good night, and she headed out. She considered doing as she told Dr. Michaels and go and find Angel, but decided that he'd probably rather be alone right now. There was nothing she could do for him at the moment anyway.

Slowly, she walked over to Anna's room at the hospital. She'd been there for so long now..

The annoying white walls were now decorated with pictures, and 'Get well soon' cards that she was rather thankful for, but which actually only depressed her more because she knew she would never get well.

On top of the chest of drawers by her bed were flowers, little presents, and a little porcelain ballerina. Cordy walked over and picked it up. She then glanced at Anna, who was fast asleep.

She wondered if the ballerina by her bed was actually good for Anna, it definitely wouldn't help her accept her handicap.

Slowly she turned the ballerina around in her hands. There was a smile on the face. One thing Cordy has learnt from Anna was; Ballerina's 'always' had to smile. No matter what.

Suddenly the porcelain ballerina made a shiver run down Cordy's spine and she quickly put it in one of the drawers. She walked over to the door, glanced over at her stepdaughter one more time, and walked out of the room.

She could use a drink.

The next morning early, Anna didn't even have breakfast yet, a boy in a wheelchair entered her room with an enormous speed.

'Who the hell are you!', Anna asked angrily. Her always happy and cheerful mood had disappeared after the accident. Now she was just mostly sad, grumpy, or painfully quiet and she definitely wasn't happy with a stranger paying a visit without asking. Of course the fact that it wasn't even 8 AM yet didn't help much either.

'Name's Josh.', the boy introduced himself with a grin, and turned a quite spectacular pirouette on the back-wheels of the wheelchair.

'And you're Anna.'.

'How dare you coming into my room without permission!', Anna said, not the slightest bit amused.

'Well, you can throw me out if you want to.. But I think that's going to be hard.', Josh laughed, gesturing towards her paralysed body parts.

'Jerk!'.

'Are you always so nice or is it just a hormone thing?', Josh wondered aloud.

'You are SO rude!'.

Josh smiled and wheeled over to the drawers next to Anna's bed.

'Hey, chocolate! I love chocolate! I don't suppose you'll be eating this any time soon?', he asked, but didn't wait for a answer and grabbed the chocolate bar.

'I don't suppose you'll be leaving me alone any time soon?', she asked through gritted teeth.

'Let me think.. nope! Way too much fun here! '.

'So.. whatcha say, angel, wanna go out for breakfast somewhere?', he joked with a fake horribly sounding southern accent.

'You pig!', Anna shouted. 'Are you blind too! Can't you see I can't move!'.

'Can't or won't?'.

'I'm ignoring you! You know what? I only know you for 5 minutes, but I already hate you! Now what does that say about you?'.

'Actually, noting, doll. What does it say about 'you' ?. Think about that.', he said with a wide smirk and wheeled over to the door.

'Thanks for the chocolate! See you soon goldilocks! '.

Anna sighed in relief when he was gone, but he did leave her behind confused. Who was he, what was he doing here, and what did he wants from her? 3 perfectly confusing, brain cracking questions.

That after noon Liam came by to visit. It wasn't the first time he did so, he often stopped by after dancing class. He was very worried about Anna, and also about them as a couple. She was no longer the girl he had fallen in love with since the accident.

Of course, he understood she had trouble recently after the accident. Her whole life had fallen apart completely! But she was young, she could do anything! Well, not anything.. But if she would work hard on her recovery she could be a lot better than she was now. Of course he didn't tell her this. And it was six months ago now!

Liam was extremely busy himself too. Helen had given him a major part in their upcoming performance of '_Coppelia'_, and he also still had high school and his job at a local garage to pay for the dancing classes.

A daily trip to the hospital didn't fit in well, he had to admit.

Yet Liam kept looking her up, he felt like he owed that to her, and he still did have feelings for her.

It was just different.

Different than it used to be.

Anna was different.

But she needed him, and he couldn't bear to leave her alone like this.

So.. vulnerable.

Liam just kept hoping she would still change, and become the girl again she used to be. His girl.

He entered the room and kissed Anna on the cheek.

'Hey.', he greeted her. 'How are you doing today?'. He sat down on a chair by her bed.

'Okay. The same.', Anna replied depressively. It wasn't that she was mean, rude, or even grumpy to Liam, but it was that she wasn't! He just wished that she was! It would be so much better than this! Now all she looked was lifeless, and heartbreakingly sad. Someone who knew the girl she used to be, the joyful, sparkling Anna, would find their hearts be ripped apart with taking just one single look at her.

Liam wished she would just get really upset, cry her eyes out, yell, scream, swear even.. Anything but this.

'What's it like at the ballet?', she asked. It was the only question she would ask when Liam, Helen, or someone else from the dance group would come to visit her.

'It's strange, without you. Empty. ', Liam answered, the same as always when she would ask him.

'Tell me more.'. Anna knew he probably found her a bore, but she needed to know. She couldn't let her former life go. Even paralysed, dancing was all she would, -and could-, think of . she could listen to the stories about it for hours and hours. Liam knew, and why would he refuse to bring some light in her dark, dark days?

'We will be dancing '_Coppelia' _at the Christmas performance. The auditions for the female main part are tomorrow. '. .'.

'And the male main part?', Anna asked.

'They were last week. I got it.', he said with a slight blush.

A tiny little smile appeared on Anna's face.

'Congratulations.'.

The next day, Jennifer was in the gym extremely early, before the auditions.

Even before Helen got there!

She still felt extremely guilty for what she had caused, but Holly had been able to convince her this was the right thing to do.

And dancing.. .

Dancing had become really different without Anna. Jenny had always felt like she was in Anna's shadow, but now that shadow was gone.

She was bathing in sudden light!

Already changed into her training clothes and her toe shoes, she entered the empty gym, and started to dance the part for her audition.

She hadn't heard Helen coming in.

'This is it... This is what you've been working so hard for all these years.', Helen said when Jennifer had finished. She spoke the truth; she had never danced so well before.

Jenny looked up, startled. She was still sort of in trance of the moves.

'I didn't hear you come in.. How long have you been standing there?'.

'Long enough.', Helen replied. 'that was really good! In fact, it's the best I've ever seen you dance!', she said with a smile.

'You chose the right path, Jennifer.'.

A shiver ran down Jenny's back. It was like Helen knew exactly what was bothering her! Had she bared her soul to her while she was dancing with all her feelings? It was very scary.

'But dancing.. it's never been my passion..'.

'You've changed a lot lately. What you just did, what I just saw of you, that, honey, was pure passion.', Helen told her, meaning it. 'Maybe it became your passion without noticing'.

'Yea.. maybe.'.

'You'll do great with Liam in '_Coppelia_', she then stated, already having made the decision that Jennifer would get the part.

'What?... Do you mean...'. Jennifer was confused, very confused. She really couldn't believe it yet.

'Yes.', her dance teacher smiled. 'You worked very hard and improved well. I'm proud of you, you deserve it.'.

A smile came across Jenny's lips. Helen was right, she did work very hard for it. She wanted to show her mom, her brother, and her friends that she could dance too! Not just Anna!

'I'll let the other girls audition still, but I already made my decision.', Helen said with a friendly wink, and Jennifer walked to the changing rooms. Once she arrived there and looked in the mirror, she started to realise what had just happened. She would dance '_Coppelia_'! With Liam!

'What do you want this time?', Anna asked, not amused, when Josh entered her hospital room again that evening.

'Figured you could use some company.'.

'No. Not from you, anyway.', she assured him, wishing now very much that she could move her arms and hit him or something. Just by entering he had already pissed her off.

'Why, what's wrong with me then?', Josh informed.

'Where to start? I could fill all night with answering that question and still not be finished.'.

'And you still don't even know me.'.

'I don't feel tempted to do so, so don't worry about that.', Anna said angrily.

'O, I won't. I have more important things to worry about than you.', Josh told her with a broad smile.

'Just go.', Anna said. Her dad and Cordelia had called that they had a case so wouldn't be able to visit her tonight, and she felt lonely. Josh only made it worse. He just stared at her.

'Fine, I'll go.', his grin had suddenly fade away, and he was on his way to the door.

'Josh.. wait.!', Anna called out after him suddenly.

He turned to look at her.

'I guess you could ehm.. stay... if you want to.', she felt really lonely and maybe he wasn't 'that' bad. She could at least give him a chance.

Josh's eyes lit up.

'Sure . You would hardly survive the night without me.'.

'Has anyone ever told you your ego is bigger than 20 elephants?', Anna wondered.

'Not in those exact words.', he laughed, and Anna couldn't help but smile with him, just a little bit.

'so what do you do here, all day?', she asked him, trying to make some conversation.

'Lots. They have a great game-hall downstairs, and I try to keep up with school. The rest of the time I bug the doctors.'.

She smiled again, a little more already. 'I bet you're really good at that last part.'.

'Well, I'm still around.', he shrugged casually.

'Why, actually? You don't seem to need it.'.

'Neither do you.'.

'You're really blind aren't you! I'm paralysed!', Anna said, her anger returning.

'You don't have to be.', Josh told her.

'Yes, I do! '.

'I heard your arms aren't permanently paralysed at all. Maybe you just don't have enough willpower, or maybe you just like being pathetic.', he suggested with a glare.

'Excuse me! You have NO right to judge me at all!', Anna shouted, tears welling up in her eyes. She was getting angrier by the second. 'What does it matter if I can't dance anymore! Why would I care if my life is over anyway! ', she sobbed, finally releasing all the anger, the pain, that had been piled up inside of her during all these months.

Josh came closer to her.

'Hey.. don't cry..', he said hesitatingly. It was clearly shown on his face that he didn't know hot to handle such a situation, he was usually just being the clown.

His expression made Anna smile through her tears, a full smile this time.

'You're kind of a loser.'.

'Thanks'.

20


	4. The Greatest Gift

**Hey chapter 4 is up now! Thanks all for reading, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase review!

* * *

**

**4. The Greatest Gift**

From that night on Josh and Anna had become friends. He was the only one who could make her smile, and Angel was relieved to notice the change. Everyone was. But unfortunately, nothing had changed in Anna's medical state. It worried everyone. Except Josh, he was just as relaxed as always, not letting anything bother him. This night he was sitting at the television room, watching a movie.

'The' movie.

'_Red Shoes'. _

As soon as he finished watching he turned off the television and wheeled into Anna's room.

'I just watched a really cool movie on TV!', he said enthusiastically.

Anna looked up at him.

'Oh..', she said, not interested in an ordinary movie.

Josh observed her meanwhile, and soon came to the conclusion that she looked nice, in her light-blue nightgown with her long blond hair, blond with the colours of the sunrise in it, in a French braid. He seriously had trouble keeping his eyes off her.

'Which movie?', she eventually asked.

'_Red Shoes'_.

Anna turned pale. It used to be her favourite movie! When she first saw that movie, as a little girl, she decided she wanted to be a prima ballerina. She'd learned so much from it: moves, poses, attitudes.. Everything! Hearing Josh talk about it as if it was 'just' a movie actually hurt her. It was 'her' movie! 'Her' movie. 'Her' dancing.

Josh noticed she suddenly turned pale. 'Are you okay? Should I go and g et a doctor?'.

There was a long silence.

'I used to dance.', Anna said, very suddenly, breaking the what seemed like an eternal silence. She had know idea where that came from all of a sudden. She had had no intention to tell him before. Ballet, that belonged to a different life now. It didn't look like it belonged to her at all! Or ever had done.

'Really? ', was Josh's reaction. He started to understand why Anna didn't improve.

'I like dancing!', he then said.

'Well, I won't do it anymore now, will I?', Anna said quietly.

'O, but you will! ', he said, clearly convinced of his own words. 'Knowing' that she could do it again. And would.

'You 'will' dance again, Anna. I want to see you dance.'.

Anna wished she could believe him. But dancing...

Dancing, was from a different life.

Not her life.

Anna's physical condition was a big question mark to all of her doctor's. They had tried everything. The nurse had put a tray with food in front of her so she would have to eat it by herself.

It didn't work.

Nothing seemed to work.

However, they didn't give up.

And neither did Josh.

He held ice-cream in front of her, beautiful gifts, and everything he could think of, hoping desperately that she would grab it.

'What's this?', he asked her once when he found the little ballerina in one of her drawers. It had been there since Cordy put it in.

Anna swallowed hard. That little, porcelain ballerina meant a lot to her. It symbolised her former life. The life that wouldn't return. Ever.

'Nothing..', she answered, trying to sound like it was indeed 'nothing'. But she was a bad liar.

'It looks like it's more than 'nothing', if you ask me.', Josh replied, studying the expression on her face.

'Catch!', he suddenly exclaimed, throwing the ballerina towards her, and in a reflex, she caught it! With both hands!

Anna was unaware of what she just did until she felt the colt porcelain in the palm of her once paralysed hand.

She could feel again! For the first time in months she actually held something! Confused, and not completely realising it yet, she stared at Josh in happy shock. He grinned at her, very self confidant, as always.

'Good reflexes. '.

No reply, Anna could just stare.

'It's late, I'm going to call it a night. We'll have breakfast tomorrow morning together, okay? You'll make your own sandwiches then!', he laughed, and left her room.

He always did like a spectacular ending.

Anna smiled, she never knew she could do it. Never thought she would. But yet she did, and Josh made her realise that.

The next morning, as promised, Josh took her to the little cafeteria downstairs. The nurse had helped her in a wheelchair, and that was for the first time in months Anna got out of bed.

Last night had been extremely busy. When a nurse found out she could move her arms again, she had immediately informed the doctors, and within seconds, Anna's bed was surrounded by physicians. Of course later on they were joined by Angel and Cordelia, and later even Wesley, Holly, Fred, and Gunn.

Anna had never seen them so thrilled!

'Good to eat on your own, isn't it?', Josh asked her with that o-so-famous smirk of him and a twinkle in his eyes. Anna had never noticed the twinkle in his eyes before, and suddenly found that he had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

She smiled at Josh. 'Yea.. it's good.'.

It wasn't just Josh and his eyes, she re-discovered many, many things that had been lost in the dark after the accident. Like the taste of jus d'orange, the delightful sky with thick, fancy clouds. Live seemed so good all of a sudden. How could she have forgotten? Yet, one thing was missing.

Dancing.

The weeks after t hat were very exciting. Anna kept improving, and Angel made sure she got a second opinion. She got one, and after two long weeks finally got the results from Dr. Michaels himself.

On a cloudy after noon when both Cordy and Angel were sitting around Anna's bed, he entered, for the first time not with a blank expression but with an actual smile.

'I have good news.', he announced.

Anna was sitting up in the hospital bed, talking with Cordelia about a new Gucci-top she had bought.

Angel wasn't interested in Gucci-tops, so noticed the doctor's entrance first.

'Yes? We could use some.', he said.

'I have the results from the second opinion.'.

Anna exchanged a nervous glance wit her father.

'And?'.

'And, I have some very surprising results. After checking, and re-checking everything, me, and my colleagues all came to the same conclusion: we may have not noticed something before, but fortunately we see now, that with a certain surgery, I very 'difficult' surgery, I must say, it may be possible for Anna here to walk again. '.

Cordy and Angel's eyes lit up.

'Are you serious!', Cordy exclaimed. She was seriously ready to kiss the guy, which proved how happy she was, because Dr. Michaels wasn't a very kissable man, to be exact.

Anna smiled, which was still rare, even though her friendship with Josh made it no longer extremely seldom. This time it was a real smile, a broad smile. Her eyes twinkled like stars in a bright sky.

'Will I be able to dance again?'. She hardly dared to ask the question. Hope sounded through in her soft voice. Maybe her life wasn't completely over yet!

There was still hope.

'Yes, if everything will work out the way we expect it to, that should indeed be possible.', Dr. Michaels smiled. He liked Anna, and her parents a lot, they looked, despite the tragedy, happy and close.

It was obvious that Angel was thrilled! Maybe his little girl would be able to walk again! But, however, he wanted to make sure it was no false hope.

'Didn't you say it was a dangerous surgery?', he therefore asked.

'Daddy..', Anna said with a sigh, not wanting to bring an end to the happy daydream that just showed up in her mind.

'Anna we have to know!'. Angel returned his glance to the doctor.

'Well?'.

'It's not completely harmless, no.', Dr. Michaels admitted, scratching his head.

'But as you know we have some excellent doctors and surgeons in the hospital, and I expect everything to go well.'.

'so.. what are those risks then?', Cordelia asked, concerned.

'One of the main risks could be that her arms may become permanently paralysed, again. It's complicated, but it all has to do with certain nerves on the spinal cord.'.

Angel's eyes widened.

'I don't want that!'.

'Daddy!', Anna protested, her hope slightly slipping through her fingers again.

'I'll leave you alone to talk about it.', the doctor said with an understandable nod, and left them alone.

'You're not going to let them paralyse you any further, Anna!', Angel decided.

'But daddy!...'.

'No! It's just 'not' going to happen! '. He stood up, and headed out.

Cordelia followed him with a glance at Anna that silently promised her that she would talk to him.

And Anna sure hoped she would.

As always, Cordy kept her promise, because when they visited the next day, Angel was a lot calmer than before.

'I think we should talk.. about yesterday.', he said hesitant.

Cordelia smiled, happy to see him starting about this all by himself.

'It's my only chance, daddy.', Anna softly said.

'I know, baby.. I know. But what if it doesn't work and you become fully paralysed again?', Angel asked worriedly.

'I guess I'll just have to take that risk.'.

'Does dancing really mean 'that' much to you, Anna?'. He shot desperate looks at Cordy, but she purposely ignored him. They had had a serious talk the previous night about how devoted Anna had always been to the ballet. But they had also talked about the fact that Anna was now 17, and old enough to make her own decisions. Also about serious matters like this. Although, during that last part of the conversation, Cordy had talked, and Angel glared, disagreed silently, and avoided eye contact. Yet at the end of the discussion she had been able to convince him of her point of view.

'Yes, daddy. Dancing means 'that much' to me.'. Tears appeared in Anna's eyes.

'When I lived with Darla, it was the worst time of my life. She never gave me any love, or a sign of appreciation. However, there's one thing she did gave me. One thing, and that's the greatest gift I've ever had, daddy. Dancing.'.

The days after that were buys for Anna. She was being both physically and mentally prepared for the upcoming surgery. But she wasn't scared, or nervous at all. She had the utmost confidence in the doctors and surgeons, and if it shouldn't work out.. Well, then at least she knew she would have tried everything. Then maybe she would be able to finally get some rest. Maybe.

That night Anna told Josh, who strangely enough had stayed out of all the rumours.

'Remember that second opinion I got a few weeks back?', she asked him. They were, both in a wheel chair, sitting in the television room of the hospital. On tv was some stupid, not funny comedy they weren't really watching anyway.

'Yea. I remember. Got the results?'.

'Uh-uh..', Anna stared at the floor. Sure, she was very happy with the sudden new possibility, but she also felt very guilty...

Guilty, for being so lucky.

Josh would never had a chance like this! And he had been so much stronger and braver than she was! He hadn't been stubborn, or taking his depressed feelings out on everyone around him... He deserved this so much more than she did. It just wasn't fair... But then again, was there anything in this world that actually was fair?

'Was it that bad?', Josh asked her.

'No, not that bad... It was good.', she sniffed.

Josh smiled confused.

'Then what are you sad about, silly? What did the doctor say? ', he asked her.

'He says there's a surgery with which it should be possible to ehm... walk again.'.

'But Anna that's great!', he exclaimed.

'What are you crying for! '.

'Cause.. cause.. it's just not fair..', she softly said. 'I wish 'you' could walk again!'.

Josh smiled brightly and went closer to her.

'Silly girl! I'm used to the way I am. It's my destiny. But 'not' yours, Anna. You must dance, anyone can see that!'.

'You haven't even seen me dance!'.

'No, but it's in your soul, in your spirit! Even the greatest idiot like me could see that!', he laughed, and once more made Anna smile.

'I'm not sure if I could be able to dance, even if I could walk. These two things are very, very different, you know.'.

'I guess, but you'll dance again. You must. Promise me.'.

She smiled weakly. 'I promise.'.

And then, maybe to seal their promise, or maybe for other unspoken reasons too, Josh pulled Anna closer, and kissed her softly.

A promise was made.


	5. Eternal Guilt

**5. Eternal Guilt**

'Liam, could you give me a ride home?', Jennifer asked Liam after their dancing rehearsal. They had just practised for the '_Coppelia_' performance, and so far everything went well.

Not as good as it would've been with Anna, maybe, but still good enough.

Ehm.. yea sure.', he replied.

Silently they headed for the blue Corvette Liam now owned. There had been some kind of tension between the both of them since the accident. Liam had never quite agreed with the fact they had lied to the police, but then again, if they hadn't Jennifer would have ruined her entire life by paying for something she hadn't even done on purpose.

They sat down in the car and Liam started the engine and drove off. They both sat very quiet, driving in a car would probably never be the same for any of the four friends. After a while, Jennifer finally dared to ask : 'How's Anna?'.

Liam shrugged. 'I haven't seen her in a while, actually. But I heard she can move her arms again, and she'll have a surgery that may make her able to walk again.'.

'Walk? That's awesome!'...

Jenny waited a while before continuing.. 'Why haven't you seen her for a while?'.

Again, he shrugged. 'I've been busy.'.

A pause.

'And she's different...'.

It felt good to be able to talk to someone about it now.

'Different? What do you mean, different?', Jennifer asked, confused. She had never heard Liam say anything negative about Anna.

'I'm not sure.. I guess it's really hard for her. Her whole life was always about dancing, and now she can't do that anymore.'.

Jennifer nodded. 'True.. Did you guys have a fight?', she then asked curiously.

'No. Not really. She just.. it's like she makes me feel like it's painful to see me.. to be reminded of dancing. I don't think she even likes me anymore!'.

'Of course she likes you! She's just.. confused, and scared.. I guess.'.

'Have you actually visited her?', Liam questioned the dark brown-haired girl.

Jenny bit on her lip. She'd honestly wanted to visit Anna, but she hadn't dared to. What if she would remember who had really been driving that car? And what if she wouldn't be able to forgive Jennifer?

'No, I haven't. Not yet. I wanted to, but I just .. couldn't.'.

Liam nodded ,he understood. 'I get that. But maybe she wants to see you. I actually think she does.', he suggested. 'Would you like me to come with you?'.

She shook her head. 'No. I need to do this alone.'.

It was true, Liam's offer was nice, but he would probably only be in her way.

'I get that.'.

They drove along a little restaurant. 'Are you hungry?', Liam asked her. He enjoyed some company. Specially company from someone to who he could talk about the two things occupying him the most right now: Anna, and the accident.

'Sure, I could eat.', Jennifer replied, having some doubts, but then again: why wouldn't she? It was just some dinner! Not even, seeing it was in some old, trashy bistro.

Liam parked his car, and they got out, heading for the bistro. While inside, he went to order them a cheeseburger and some French fries while Jenny sat down at an empty table. She tapped her fingers on the wooden table in front of her nervously. No matter what she told herself: this didn't feel right.

An hour later, t hey were driving in Liam's car again. They had shared dinner and talked. Nothing else than that. The tension had kind of flown away, but as soon as the car stopped near the Warner residence it slightly returned.

'Thanks..', Jennifer said, meaning not only the ride home and the dinner, but also the talking and the feeling that someone finally understood her for once. She hadn't felt that in months, despite the fact her mother was a psychologist. Or a shrink, as she liked to call it.

Liam watched her for a few seconds and gave a short nod. He didn't think she was prettier than Anna, but she was definitely pretty. And nice to him, in spite of how awful she must have felt since that terrible day of the accident they were 'all' guilty of. Bryan, himself, and Anna too, had all given Jennifer permission to drive.

He just needed some real company right now. Only for that reason, he pulled her closer and kissed her.

Only for that reason.

After several minutes they both pulled back. Jennifer took a glance at her house.

'My mom and step dad are out. Bry's at his girlfriend's... Do you want to come in?'.

She felt just as Liam did now, probably: in need of some company, no matter what kind.

Liam hesitated for a few more seconds before answering, but the thought of Anna's behaviour against him made him decide.

'Sure.'.

'Hey, daddy?'.

Angel looked up at his daughter. In spite of the good news they got from the second opinion he found she still looked rather pale, and a little down.

'Hmm?'.

'Why haven't they visited?'.

Anna had been thinking about Bryan and Jennifer for a while, she hadn't had time for that earlier, she'd been to occupied trying to get used to her situation. From the negative words she sometimes heard Angel talk about Bryan, she understood what they had done, and she was smart enough to not mention that Jennifer had been the one driving the car.

'Why haven't who visited?', Angel asked. He didn't like to talk about the accident at all, it made him angry, and sad. It made him think about the fact he could lose Anna..., and there was nothing more frightening than that to him on the entire world.

'Bryan, and Jennifer? I haven't seen them in so long.'.

'Do you 'want' to see them?', Angel questioned her with a frown. He had expected her to be angry with Bryan, just like himself.

The thing was, she really wasn't, angry. Not with Bryan, and not with Jennifer. She hadn't done it on purpose anyway. She had just wanted to be accepted.

'Yea, why not?'.

'He.. He did this to you!', Angel protested, not wanting Anna to hang with the people who had caused her to be in this situation.

He hadn't forgiven Bryan yet.

Not even nearly.

'Damn.', was the first thing Liam thought when he woke up and found Jennifer laying next to him. What had they done? Last night coming here had seemed the right thing, he had wanted it.

But now there were regrets.

Much regrets.

He now suddenly realised he had only been looking for a replacement for Anna. And how unfair that had been against Jennifer, well, he hadn't really thought of that last night.

He'd been drunk with sadness.

His stomach dropped in an unpleasant way when he felt the girl next to him move.

'Damn.', he thought again.

'Liam?'. Jennifer yawned and slightly stretched. It was obvious that she was thinking the same thing as Liam. 'Damn'.

He turned on his side to look at her, and he could only wonder 1 thing.

How could he have ever compared this girl with his Anna?

That after noon Jennifer had finally convinced herself that visiting Anna was the right thing to do, specially after what she did with Liam. That hadn't exactly decreased her feelings of guilt. When she entered the Los Angeles Hospital she once more felt the way she'd felt when she was a little girl and her father had died here...

She'd felt as if her world stopped turning.

She'd felt so.. powerless.

It was yesterday once more in her mind when she stared at the crème white walls and remembered her powerlessness, but memories weren't what she was here for.

She was here for Anna.

And therefore, she headed for the room Liam told her Anna was laying in, and entered very hesitant. On moments like this, Jenny didn't feel so mature as she always claimed to be at all. She felt like that little girl again. Would it ever change, she wondered, and stepped into the little hospital room.

'Anna?', she addressed her quietly.

Anna looked up from a book she was reading. She was a little surprised to see Jennifer, but not really. This had to happen some time, after all. She could sense Jenny's nerves, so tried to ease her and let her know that she wasn't blaming her for anything.

'Hey Jenny.', she greeted her. 'I'm glad to see you.', she continued, meaning it.

Jennifer nodded and sat down slowly. 'How are you doing?', she asked, honestly being a bit shocked by how pale Anna looked. The reddish, natural blush she always used to have was all gone.

'Okay, I guess.'. Anna lifted her arms to demonstrate.

'Good.. that's really good. Liam told me about the surgery you'll have.. I'm happy for you.'.

'Yea. It is really good. I'll have it next week, and if everything goes well I should be able to walk again.'. She tried to say that cheerfully, but while she thought of it, Anna came to the conclusion that seeing Jennifer again hurt her more than she would have thought. After all, if she wouldn't have been driving that car and would've just accepted that she wasn't as 'cool and mature' as the rest...No, she quickly stopped herself. It wasn't Jennifer's fault, and she had probably punished herself enough already with guilt.

For several moments, both of the girls were quiet. Neither knew what to say or even dared to speak. Until Jenny finally found the courage.

'I'm sorry, Anna..'. Tears welled up in her eyes. 'I should've visited earlier, I shouldn't have...'.

Anna started to cry as well. 'Don't.. don't do this, Jennifer, please don't make this any harder than it already is!'. They both sobbed, and Jenny went to sit on the side of Anna's bed.

'But..'. 'No, don't . it's okay. I forgive you.', Anna cried, pulling the girl in a hug. While sobbing, Jenny hugged her back, wondering if she would still say the same if she would know what had happened last night between her and Liam.

Probably not.

More guilt...

Would it ever end?

Maybe she should just come clean and tell the truth about it, but would that solve anything? She seriously doubted it, and therefore decided to wait. And tried to ignore the continuously nagging guilt. Trying not to think of the fact that it would probably haunt her for the rest of her life.

'It's not.. okay. I just...'. 'Come on, Jenny. Shh, it'll be okay. I forgive you. .. I forgive you.', Anna tried to comfort her, while it should probably be the other way around, but she tucked her own feelings away for now. She felt sorry for the girl, maybe even more than for herself.

After all, Anna would probably be okay, and Jennifer would have to live with herself forever.

'Really?', Jenny asked hopeful, looking up at Anna with eyes filled with regret and tears.

It was easy to see that she really was sorry.

She was a good girl, she deserved forgiveness.

'Really'.

The following day Liam decided it was time for himself to pay the long postponed visit. When he entered Anna's room he soon came to the conclusion he was nervous. Jennifer wasn't the only one with guilty feelings. He felt as if he should've visited more, despite of Anna's moods. They were understandable! And he'd been a real jerk for letting her down when she most needed him. And then what he'd done with Jennifer, that was really unforgivable!

Considering Anna's physical and mental state right now, he and Jennifer had decided that it would be the wisest not to tell her at least for now.

'Hey, Anna.', he greeted her, kissing her on the cheek and sitting down.

'Hey. So you haven't forgotten me after all, I see.', she said, letting a little bit of anger and disappointment sounding through in her voice. She was sure aware of her previous behaviour, but she'd been lonely, in spite of Josh and her parents. She'd missed Liam, specially during cold, lonely nights when she couldn't sleep and kept thinking 'what ifs'.

'I wanted to come, Ann. Really.. I just.. '.

Anna smiled and sighed in the same time.

'O please, I'm so tired from all the guilt and excuses. I've heard enough of those from Jennifer already yesterday. 'It's my fault, I've been a real bitch.'.

'Sorry..', Liam responded automatically, only later on realising sorry was the one thing Anna did not want to hear, and they both started laughing.

That was the first time since the accident Anna actually laughed.

It felt good.

'No more guilt?', she asked him hopeful, being so tired of everything all of a sudden.

'Yea..', Liam responded, agreeing, and very eager to let the past the past.

'No more guilt'.

28


	6. Never Mine

**6. Never mine**

The surgery came closer every day, specially now Anna had made it up with Liam and Jennifer time went fast. They visited very often, so she wasn't lonely and bored anymore.

Yet still one thing was bothering her: Josh's feelings. Anna was afraid he felt more than friendship for her. And she was even more afraid that he expected 'her' to feel more than friendship for him.. Okay, they kissed once. Nothing more than that! Now she and Liam were together again she started to feel guilty about that kiss. But to ignore those feelings, she just thought: Don't know, don't care. And who knows what Liam has been doing while she was here in the hospital!

No. That was a very silly thought. Liam had always been faithful to her, and he always would be.

Right?

On the morning of the surgery-day, Angel and Cordy were sitting by their daughter's bed. Because it was such an important day, they were allowed to visit in none-visiting hours.

But only them. And only today.

'Are you nervous?', Cordelia asked.

'A little..', Anna admitted. 'But I still want it!', she quickly added when she looked at her father's face and learned that he was about to tell her that she didn't have to go through with it. But Anna did have to go through with it. For herself, no matter what the risks were.

'Right.. It'll all be okay.', Angel promised his little girl, receiving warning glances from Cordelia.

Anna nodded, she had faith in the doctors and surgeons, but she was aware that things could still go wrong.

'Good morning, Anna!', a nurse greeted her, entering the room with a cheerful smile. 'Are you ready for today?'.

Anna gave her a nod and smiled at Angel and Cordy for a moment, as in letting them know that she was, indeed, ready.

'All right! Here's some kind of potion that'll bring you to sleep soon, and when you wake up again it'll all be over!', the almost annoyingly enthusiastic nurse informed the 3.

Anna took the potion, and came to the conclusion that it didn't look much different from grapefruit juice.

She liked grapefruit juice, so maybe this was a good sign.

She sure hoped so.

'Warn us when she's asleep, ok? I have more things to do around here.', complained the nurse with a glance at the clock, learning she was way behind on schedule because she spent too much time making small talk with the patients. It should be a good thing, but no, not in this capitalism-based hospital. Time is money, that was their motto.

'Will do.', Cordelia replied with a frown, and she started to stroke Anna's hair while Angel took his daughter's hand. He was scared, but knew that his feelings were probably nothing in compare to what Anna was feeling right now.

Hours later, Anna started to wake up. Everything hurt, and it seemed like everything was paralysed, and 200 pounds heavier than before, but she knew that was normal. Dr. Michaels had explained everything to her beforehand, so she knew how she would feel right after the surgery. But still, she hadn't been prepared for 'this'.

Panic overwhelmed her until she suddenly felt a comforting hand on her own.

Josh's hand.

She would recognise that hand out of thousands.

Anna tried to speak, to move, but she couldn't. And she didn't have to either.

Josh was here , now everything would be okay.

Had it been a dream, Anna wondered hours after, when she opened her eyes and found her parents asleep by her bed. She couldn't see clearly, but a glance at the clock learned her it was 3:15 AM. The world was asleep, except for her.

She felt warm and feverish, another post-surgery thing, or a side-effect of the medication they gave her before or after, and maybe during the surgery.

Maybe Josh hadn't been here to comfort her at all, maybe she'd been delirious and had felt what she wanted to feel.

Maybe.

She considered waking Angel or Cordy up, but decided that they need their rest, she had put them through enough already. So, she pushed the red button, and soon after the nurse who had nightshift entered.

'Hey, Anna, you're awake I see!', she said in an excited whisper, not wanting to wake Angel and Cordelia. Anna nodded, but she was still in a daze.

'Pain..', she said. 'Can't move..'.

She came to the conclusion even talking hurt!

'I know, honey. That's normal. Do you want something for the pain? '.

'Yea.. please.'.

The nurse, Phoebe, was her name, gave Anna some painkillers and helped her swallow them with a cup of water.

Anna learned swallowing wasn't easy either, but she managed to.

'You'll feel much better in the morning. Try to get some sleep, all right?', Phoebe said with a smile at her.

Anna gave her a short nod, she hoped Phoebe was right, because this was 'not' the way she'd thought this would be..

Maybe she had underestimated the whole situation..

She tried to sleep, but found that was rather difficult with all those thoughts going round in her head. What if the surgery hadn't worked? What if she would keep this pain forever? Or worse... What if something had gone wrong, and she would never be able to move her arms 'and' legs again? What would she do then?

Before she had finally fallen asleep, it had been 4 AM, 5 AM, half past five, and even 6 AM. After that , she knew nothing.

She knew nothing, and saw nothing.

Except Josh.

After Angel and Cordelia had gone home, just before sunrise, Josh was the first to enter Anna's room, even before the doctor.

'Hey, sleeping beauty!', he greeted her.

Anna was still pretty weak, too weak to find out if she could move yet. She opened her eyes to make sure Josh was 'really' there this time. When she looked at him, she knew.

It hadn't been a dream.

'How are you feeling?', Josh asked her, going a bit closer to her bed.

'Like 3 thousand trucks just drove across me.', Anna managed to say.

'That must suck.. Really suck.'.

'You were here last night, weren't you?', she asked then. She really had to know now, else the question would haunt her for eternity.

Josh frowned. 'I wasn't, Ann.'.

Of course, it had been him, but he didn't dare to admit it. He hadn't expected her to know about his visit to her in the first place, but he had just wanted to be there for her, he couldn't stand to see her in pain, and he'd been terribly worried about her all day. He was afraid that if something had gone wrong she wouldn't be able to take it.

'Yes, you were. I felt you.'.

Still denying, Josh shook his head. 'It must've been a dream. You were delirious.'.

Anna then decided to let it rest. He wouldn't admit it to her anyway, he was so damn stubborn! But she wasn't in the mood for such issues right now, anyway. She was too tired, and all drugged out. There would be enough time to deal with Josh later. And with Liam.

Fortunately, Anna soon found her arms to be moving again. Just not her legs yet... So, she spent her day pondering, listening to Josh's no longer funny jokes, and hoping the one person she wanted to visit her would visit.

'Liam!', she looked up pretty happily when he entered the room with flowers and gave her a kiss.

'Hey! How are you today?'.

Anna shrugged. 'I haven't seen doctor Michaels yet today, he can be here any minute.'.

And then, as if he had heard her the doctor entered, looking rather pleased. 'Hello Anna, Liam.'.

Liam gave him a nod and Anna smiled. 'Hello. Do you have good news for me today?'.

'I think I do. There's something I would like to discuss with you.'. He took a chair and sat down next to Liam.

'All right.'.

'Yes, Anna..', he started with a cough. 'You've been in this hospital for a very long time now, I'm sure you realised that too'.

Both teenagers nodded in unison. Anna wasn't even sure anymore how long she had exactly been here. Too long, that was for sure.

'Now, I had a talk with your parents this morning, and they agreed with me that it may be the best for you to continue your further recovery at home. You'll feel comfortable there, and then your parents won't have to travel up and down every single day! So, what do you think of it?'.

For a few seconds, Anna didn't know what to say at all.

Going home?

She'd never really considered recovering at home further. She would love to go home, obviously! It had been so long since she had seen the Hyperion Hotel, it even started to fade from her memory! But what if she would go home, and Josh wouldn't? Would she be able to still see him then? Not as often.. But she would be able to see Liam more often!

She loved them both, very much. But Josh was just a friend.. Or wasn't he?

Anna then found Dr. Michaels still staring at her, waiting for a reply, so she kind of just nodded her head.

Liam, however, seemed thrilled. His eyes lit up when he heard the news, he hadn't been this happy for months! Anna would come home! His Anna! He turned to look at her, and his enthusiasm faded slightly.

'Aren't you happy?'.

'I am. Of course I'm happy.', she told him with a reassuring smile, pretending to be thrilled with the news. She didn't pretend good enough, though. Liam could see that right away, but didn't want to confront her with that in front of the doctor.

Anna turned to Dr. Michaels, and smiled a little more sincere.

'I would love to go home, doctor. When can I go?'.

'Tomorrow morning, then you'll have enough time to prepare yourself.'.

Tomorrow morning!

Anna slightly panicked. So little time to tell Josh...

So little time to say goodbye..

Too little time.

Liam left, and Anna planned to visit Josh immediately, but she was stopped by a nurse who insisted she would have dinner 'now', so the plan was postponed until an hour later.

In her wheel chair, she made her way to Josh's room then. She knew this wasn't going to be an ordinary conversation. It wouldn't even be an ordinary goodbye conversation.

'Josh?'. Anna knocked shortly and entered his room, to find the handsome-looking boy reading on his bed.

He looked up when he heard her voice immediately. 'Anna. Hey. I was hoping you would come!'.

'I'm not here to watch tv, or talk about funny magazines, Josh..'.

Josh sat up, he could sense something was wrong.

'What's wrong? Something about the surgery?', he asked concerned.

'No.. it's not the surgery.. I mean.. It is, but not the way you think.'.

Josh frowned, she really confused him. Did she mean the surgery went well? The why wasn't she smiling? He really didn't understand a thing about women..

'Dr. Michaels thinks I'm ready to go home and recover there further.. Tomorrow.', Anna told him in a little voice.

This really hit Josh by surprise, he never thought she would leave! He had already pictured them growing old together, right here in the hospital.

A stupid idea, he knew that, but it was just so idyllic.

'Ok.. That was unexpected.'.

'I know it is.. I... Do you want me to stay?', Anna asked him. She wasn't sure if she actually would stay if he would ask her to, but she felt as if she should at least ask him the question.

'No, of course not. You should go.', Josh replied with an obvious lack of enthusiasm, but he sure wanted her to go home. She was able to, so shouldn't stick around here just for his sake, that would be really selfish of him to ask that of her.

'But.. I'll miss you so much.', Anna almost started crying. She had spent every single day with him during the past few months, and now it would be all so very empty without him!

'You can still visit, silly! And I'll visit you too!', Josh promised, not showing her how sad he really was, on the inside.

'I.. I.. I have to go!'. Suddenly in a light panic, Anna tugged at the wheelchair. Damn thing, she cursed silently. She couldn't take this any longer, she 'had' to get out! Eventually, she managed to reach the door, ready to leave. Yet, Josh's following words stopped her from doing so..

'I love you, Anna.'.

It was out before he knew it. But it wasn't supposed to be.. He'd sworn to himself no one would ever find out.

Not even Anna.

'Specially' not Anna..

She didn't turn the wheel chair to look at him, she didn't want to look him in the eyes while she hurt him.

She couldn't.

But yet she knew she had to, hurt him. Else it wouldn't be fair.

'And I 'don't' love you, Josh. Not the way you want me to..'.

They sat in silence for a while, absolute silence.

'Maybe we can be just friends.', Anna then suggested.

This broke her heart too, but she loved Liam.

The answer that followed was completely unexpected to her.

'I don't think I can.. I won't be able to do that, Anna. To look at you, and realise that you won't be mine... Will never be mine.. I just can't.'.

Not wanting to show him the tears in her eyes, she quickly left the room.

A piece of her just died, but deep inside she knew he was right, though.

She would 'never' be his.

33


	7. So very lost

Hey all! Thanks for reading everything so far, and thanks for all the positive reviews! In this chapter I"m trying to show Jennifer from a different angle. Hope you'll like it! R&R please!

**

* * *

**

7. So very lost

'So how is it? To be home again?', Jennifer asked Anna. The girls were sitting in the Hyperion Hotel on Anna's room.

'It's okay.. A little strange. Every time I wake up I expect to see those white walls.', Anna admitted with a slight smile. She'd been home for a week now, and it felt good. Everyone was happy for her, but Jenny seemed rather distant too. Like she had something to hide.. but what?

'How's 'Coppelia' going?', she then asked, changing the subject. She was really done with the whole hospital- issue.

'Very good, but I can tell Helen misses you. I make stupid mistakes.'. Both girls giggled like they hadn't done for a long time.

'I'm sure you don't! You deserve this, Jen.'.

Jennifer stared at the floor, wondering if the guilt would ever disappears. Probably not...

But that was her own fault, after all.

'But if this all wouldn't have happened. You would've gotten the main part!'.

'May be, but this 'has' happened. So why wouldn't you profit from it? This is your chance!'.

'Do you hear what you're saying! Anna, you're completely putting yourself down! How can you say such things!', Jennifer exclaimed.

'It's true! I'm not putting myself down, I'm putting you up! You have the chance now, so take it! Stop feeling guilty about something that wasn't your fault! '. Of course, it hurt Anna badly to give everything she had ever worked for to Jennifer, but she was good at dancing too, and even though she was a little too impulsive sometimes, she did have the heart on the right place.

'It's really impossible to argue with you, isn't it?', Jenny said with a little laugh.

'Yea, because I'm right!', Anna laughed with her. They hadn't shared moments like this for a long time. It felt good.

When Jennifer heard the clock 5 times, she gasped and jumped up. '5 o'clock! I have to go home! Mom is going to kill me!'. She quickly grabbed her jacket and satchel and hurried out after a quick 'bye' to her friend. She'd promised her mother to be home right after school, because she was grounded for her, according to her mother and Wesley unnecessary, low grades. Sometimes Jenny would study, but she just wasn't interested in things like Physics, Maths, or History anymore. It all seemed so rather unimportant.. She had other things to do, like deal with her guilt, and train with Liam and the rest for 'Coppélia'.

'Where have you been?', Holly asked the moment Jennifer walked through the door.

'I was with Anna.. I'm sorry, mom. I forgot.'.

Holly nodded slowly. 'I thought you would be. It's all fine. How is she doing?'. Holly wasn't very fond of visiting Anna. Every time she did so, Angel was there too, looking at her is if he blamed her and Wesley for the accident. And even if she would want to go, she couldn't because she was too busy with her new clinic, and her family, of course. Wesley often complained when she brought work home, so when she would also visit Anna then she wouldn't have any spare time left at all. Even though, a visit was on her to-do list. At the top of it.

'She's okay, getting used to being at home again. She still has therapy three times a week, though.'. Jennifer started to help her mother lay the table for dinner.

'Did you already get your maths test returned?', Holly soon asked the much feared question.

'O, mom!', Jenny groaned frustrated. She was already tired and did 'not' feel like arguing over 'another' bad grade with her mother.

'Do we 'have' to discuss this now?'.

'Yes we do. If we don't do it now, we never will, and you know it!'.

'Fine. It wasn't good.', her daughter admitted.

'Why wasn't it?'.

'Mom! Don't use your shrink-look on me! I'm not one of your bloody patients!'.

'I'm 'not' using my 'shrink-look' on you, Jennifer.', Holly said in a calm voice. Ever so calm.

'And I don't have 'patients', I have 'clients'.

'Yea, whatever!', Jennifer yelled, and she ran upstairs to her room.

Where she could finally let out her actual feelings.

Her tears.

Later that night, Jenny headed downstairs to grab a drink. She had made herself actually try and do some homework for once.

'Jennifer? Could you come here for a second?', she heard from the living-room.

Jennifer sighed and entered the living-room, where she found Holly and Wesley drinking tea on the sofa.

'What this time?', she asked rather annoyed.

'We'd like to have a word with you.', Wesley started. He felt slightly uncomfortable because Jenny wasn't his biological daughter and he wasn't sure how much she would take from him, but he wanted to support Holly in this, so he sit his own feelings aside for now.

'Jennifer, you know Wesley and I are worried about your low grades.', Holly said.

'O great! Are we going there again!', Jennifer exclaimed rather frustrated. She was just 'so' tired about this whole thing.

'But we're more concerned about you.', Holly continued undisturbed.

'About me?'.

'Yes. Don't think we don't know how hard this is for you. Anna gets all the sympathy and pity, and she sure deserves it because she's going through a lot, but so are you, honey. It was an accident. Of course, you shouldn't have been driving that car, but you never intended to hurt somebody.'.

Jennifer looked at them in confusion and shock. She never thought someone would understand her... She never thought someone, 'anyone' would be able and willing to still love her.

'I don't deserve pity, or sympathy, or love.', she said softly, not realising she was crying until she felt the warm tears run down her cheeks.

It hurt Holly badly to see her little girl like this, and before she knew it she was crying as well. She took Jenny to the couch and just held her for a long, long time.

Neither heard Wesley get up and leave; he just felt like the fifth wheel right now. They needed to sort this out themselves.

'You deserve to be loved, honey, you deserve all the love in the world.', Holly cried.

'No I don't, mommy.. I...I.. I slept with Liam.', Jennifer eventually said, sobbing loudly. She just 'had' to tell someone. All the guilt was eating her up from the inside.

Right now she felt like a little girl who desperately needed her mother..

Holly pulled away to look in her daughter's eyes.

'O Jenny..', was all she could say then.

She 'knew' Jennifer wasn't as bad as she and everyone else thought she was right now. She 'knew' her little girl was just so lost.. So very lost... But she would find her. She always would, because Holly 'knew' her daughter need help. She needed to be found.

'Mommy?', Jenny asked, clinging to her mother in despair.

'Hmm?'.

'I miss daddy.'.

'Anna? Are you ready?', Cordelia asked. They were getting ready to go to Anna's therapy session at the hospital. She was living at home again now, but still had those therapy sessions at least three times a week. Eventually, it should help her to get feeling in her legs again, and be able to walk, but until now they were just as paralysed as they had been the past year.

'Yes, I'm ready.', Anna replied from out of her wheelchair. She still felt like it wasn't hers, like it didn't belong to her...

'Angel wanted to come too, but seeing it's 3 pm, it's better for him to stay here. Unless of course we want to collect his dust later today?', Cordy said, heading out with Anna. She helped her in the car, folded the wheelchair and put it on the backseat. Then she took place in the drivers seat.

'Are you nervous?', Anna asked several seconds later.

'Are you?'.

'I asked you first.'.

'All right.. I guess I am, a little.', Cordelia admitted. 'This whole situation is just weird. I mean, you should be dancing 'Coppélia', but life doesn't always go the way we want it to.', she said with a sigh. 'If it did, I would have my own sitcom and be married to Orlando Bloom right now.'.

Both girls laughed, the way Cordy looked at everything was really refreshing. Exactly what Anna needed after all the nervous and serious faces from everyone else, who were trying so hard not to hurt her, or to say the exact right thing. Cordy just said whatever popped up in her mind.

The truth.

And that was 'exactly' what Anna needed.

That night, Jennifer was standing in front of the closed door of Anna's room, shoving her foot nervously. After long conversations with her mother, her stepfather, and even her brother Bryan, she had decided to tell Anna about what had happened between her and Liam. She had tried to discuss it with Liam, she didn't want to do anything behind his back, but he didn't want to hear another single word about it.

After some more hesitation, Jenny knocked.

'Come in.', she heard Anna's voice from inside, and she entered, feeling her heart beat fast in her throat.

'Ann? I have something to tell you.', she started, coming to the point immediately. She was almost crying already, she had never wanted to hurt anybody! She was just so lost..

'Hey, calm down! What's wrong?', Anna looked up concerned to see her upset friend.

Jennifer went to sit on the bed with her, fighting against the always winning tears, wanting to be strong.

'I.. I..'. The words seemed lost too, in her head. If only Anna wouldn't be so 'nice', that would make this a lot easier.. But that was the problem! Anna deserved the truth.

'You, what?', Anna asked gently, but confused. She had honestly no idea what this was all about.

'I slept with Liam.', Jenny then said, along with sobs and cries.

'What?', Anna asked, unable to believe her best friend had cheated on her. With 'her' boyfriend! That was so unfair, what else had been going on behind her back while she wasn't there! While she was almost dying in the hospital! Had they all just forgotten about her then? Was this a joke? It wasn't funny.. Not at all.

'I'm sorry..', Jenny said.

That was the prove to Anna that is 'was' true. It wasn't a nightmare, they had really let her down.

'But 'why' !', she joined Jennifer's crying. 'Why! What did I do wrong to deserve this! Did you all just forget about me while I wasn't here? Is that it!', she sobbed, in terrible pain, anger, and fear. Fear to be lost.

'No!', Jennifer exclaimed through her own blinding tears.

'No, this is 'all' about 'you'!'.

'I don't understand..', Anna responded.

'We were both so lost without you, Anna. So very lost... We just didn't know what to do. No one understood how 'we' felt, everyone could only see your pain. But we were suffering too! We lost a friend!'.

'I'm still here..', Anna defended herself, although she knew exactly what Jennifer meant. She was not the same.. The question was: Would she ever be?

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..', Jenny repeated, still crying, wondering if this whole come clean thing had been a bad idea after all. But she'd just wanted Anna and everyone else to see that she wasn't such a bad girl as she seemed right now. She was just a girl.. with feelings..

Guilt.

And pain.  
'Well, sorry doesn't solve anything now does it?', Anna asked her with a somewhat bitter undertone. She 'wanted' to forgive her ,she really did. And she 'tried' to, but she was already so hurt by Josh.. She felt like all of her friends were letting her down... And then she hadn't even dared to think of Liam yet. How could he do this to her? Why! Hadn't she always been faithful to him, didn't they have plans to become famous together? To dance across the whole world? And to never let anyone come between them? What happened to those dreams?

Jennifer finally found the courage to look up at her friend. 'Can you forgive me, Anna? Please?'.

Anna looked back at her. 'Maybe.. Some day.', she whispered softly.

She had 'never' felt so lost.

So very lost.


	8. The first step of a long way

**8. The first step of a long way**

Time passed very slowly for Anna now she didn't have much friends left. She spent her lonely days in her room, torturing herself by watching 'Red Shoes' over and over again. She now knew pretty much all the lines she didn't know by heart yet, by heart. Her favourite line was said by Anton Walbrook, who plaid Boris Lermontov in the movie. He said: 'You cannot have it both ways. A dancer who relies upon the doubtful comforts of human love can never be a great dancer. Never'.

That line kept going through Anna's mind. Maybe it was true. Maybe human love wasn't meant for her, for someone who has already experienced the true love of music; of the ballet..

But Anna already knew that she needed Liam.

And Josh.

And the ballet, maybe that most of all, because wasn't she doing 'all' of this, just to be able to dance again? Wasn't she living to dance? Or, dying to dance, perhaps? She sure was if you think of all the risks she took for it. The surgery, for example, and the eternal, painful therapy. But this night, she would finally make some progress. It hadn't been all for nothing after all.

There was still hope.

She sat in her room, and had been looking for her black ballet shoes Darla had given her once, a long time ago, all night. It was the only visible thing she'd ever given to her daughter.

Anyway, Anna was wondering where they could be when she suddenly saw them on top of her closet. Quickly, she wheeled over and reached out. Not far enough, though. She could get her father, or someone else to grab them for her, but everyone was busy downstairs and Anna didn't feel like disturbing them for a silly desire like ballet shoes. However, she still wanted them. If only she could stand up.. then she would easily be able to grab them... She could try... Only the thought of standing up already brought cold fear-sweat to Anna's hands. What if it wouldn't work?

She took some deep breaths, looked up at the closet- once just a closet, now the reason to make her get up again- and grabbed the side with one hand, and the knob with the other. In a moment of courage, adrenaline and desire, she pulled herself up.

Disappointing reality hit her when she realised that it wasn't as easy and perfect as she'd secretly wanted it to be. She'd dreamed so often about suddenly getting up, and walking away.

Walking away, not only from her wheel chair, but also from this life.

This life, that didn't feel like hers.

When she got up in her dream, it had felt so natural, as if this silly year had been nothing but a bad dream...

When she woke up afterwards, of course, she was so disappointed to learn that it was exactly the other way around.

And now, when she was finally standing, although it was more leaning or clinging, and experienced the pain it cost her, she realised her dream would probably always stay a dream.

But, driven by her inner strength and willpower, Anna didn't give up. She had a goal, and was determined to reach that goal, standing on her own, tonight.

Ignoring the pain, and the annoying tears running down her face, she let the hand supporting the knob go and reached out for the black ballet shoes. When she grabbed them, it felt so great she didn't have words for it. She 'finally' reached one of her goals! It was almost like the shoes gave her strength, because instead of sitting down and celebrating her victory, she threw the shoes on the floor and let go of the side of the closet too.

Anna closed her eyes, waiting till she hit the ground, but seconds passed and she was still standing.

Slowly, afraid almost to face reality, she opened her eyes.

She was standing... on her own! Who would've thought that, after a year without her legs!

Yet still, it wasn't enough for Anna.

She wanted to walk.

And she would.

Very carefully, she put one step in the direction of the window. Still terrified to lose balance, she stretched her arms out for the window sill, and subconsciously smiled slowly, walking over to it.

Maybe it was like in her dreams after all.

After that night, Anna's life came in a swing-up. Everyone was of course thrilled to see the first signs towards complete recovery.

It took only three months before Anna walked again, almost without pain or any help.

She had also started school again in the mean time. Unfortunately she had to do her last year again; she'd missed too much and hadn't been able to keep up with her lessons and homework in the hospital. It was pretty tough for her now, but she also liked being back in the 'normal world', where not everyone saw her as 'that poor paralysed girl'.

She was just a girl there.

A person.

A student.

On a sunny after noon she was sitting on a bench outside the school with Liam.

'Do you want to come to dance class with me?', he suddenly asked her.

She'd been out long enough now It was time to come back. He needed her back.

'What , dancing class? How can I ! I haven't walked, let alone danced, for a year!', Anna protested. It wasn't that she didn't 'want' to, she did, honestly. But she was afraid.

Afraid that her old life really didn't belong to her anymore.

Afraid that she wouldn't know how to live it anymore.

Afraid to be forgotten...

'I'm just saying maybe you could watch. Everyone would like to see you again, specially Helen. She wanted to visit you more often, but she's been really busy.'

Anna nodded slowly. She could just watch, right? That would be safe... Liam would be with her, protect her.

She needed Liam.

On the way to the dance school neither of them said a lot. Anna wasn't sure what she was feeling. Nerves? Fear? Excitement? Perhaps it was a mix of everything.

'Ready?', Liam asked, parking his car in the one empty spot left.

Anna put her hand in his. 'Ready.'

They got out of the car and entered the dance school Anna used to consider as her second home.

Used to.

'You go inside already while I change, okay?'.

She nodded and opened the door towards the training hall. None of the pupils were there yet, but Hélène was, of course.

'Anna!', she gasped when her eye caught her favourite student. She ran over and pulled the surprised girl in a hug. 'You're back!', she squealed.

'Yes I am!', Anna smiled. 'But just to watch.'

Helen pulled away from the hug. 'Just to watch, hmm. Well that's at least one step in the right direction! And you walk! _Formidable!_'

The other students, including Liam who still looked really hot in a white T-shirt, entered the training hall as well. They all welcomed Anna back enthusiastically, and when they eventually had started the lesson Anna took place on the wooden bench at the sideline. When she watched them dance, she felt a mix of nostalgia and jealousy. She wanted to dance too, but she knew her doctors and her father didn't quite agree with that. They found she had to take it easy, and since ballet is one of the most intense ways of physical exercise, that's not exactly taking it easy.

After the lesson, when she wanted to leaven Helen stopped her. 'Anna, could you stay for another moment? I'd like to talk to you.'

'Sure...', Anna replied and took place again on the wooden bench with her former dance teacher.

'Did you enjoy the lesson?'.

'Yea', Anna smiled. 'Though I'd rather take part in it than watch.', she admitted.

'I understand, _je comprais_, which is why I would like to suggest that you slowly start training again.'

'But... the doctors don't want me to, and neither does my dad. They find I have to take it easy..'

'And you will! I mean, I can give you some light private exercise and when you feel ready, you can start to take place in the group-lessons again! _Oui_? '.

Anna smiled when she noticed Helen's French accent worsened as her enthusiasm increased. 'I'll think about it.', she said. She 'really' wanted to start dancing again, but not against Angel's will.

'Come on, let's try something!'. Helen jumped up and led her to the barre. She handed her a pair of toe shoes and when Anna had put them on they both took place in front of the mirror-wall, on the barre.

'Let's try a small plié, ok?'.

'Okay..', Anna said rather hesitant. She took the pose, and was shocked to find how much it hurt to do such a simple pose!

Helen noticed her awkward face and stopped. 'Stop, stop! It's not supposed to hurt 'that' much. Let's try it again, but take it easier this time.' She helped Anna reach the right position in a more relaxed condition. 'Better?', she informed.

Anna nodded slowly. It didn't hurt as much as the first time, but it definitely still wasn't as easy as it used to be. No, Anna could see she still had a 'long' way to go. But she would get there, eventually.

When Anna returned home she discussed the matter with Cordelia. Not with Angel, because she knew he was too overprotective to agree with this. If Cordy agreed, she could talk to Angel maybe, and hopefully convince him.

'So, Helen thinks it won't influence your recovery in any way?', Cordelia asked. She wasn't as overprotective as Angel, but she sure was concerned about Anna's health. Both her physical 'and' mental health, because what if she would never be able to dance the way she used to again? Would she ever be happy again? Would she ever be 'whole' again?

'Yes, she thinks it's fine as long as I take it easy, and I will!', Anna pleaded, not telling her about the pain a simple plié cost her.

'Well..', Cordy said, considering it. 'Did you discuss it with your dad?'.

'Eh.. I was kind of hoping you would be able to convince him...'.

Cordy smiled. 'Right. I promise you I'll see what I can do, as long as you 'promise' to take it slow. Ok?'.

'Okay. I love you.', Anna smiled at her.

'I love you too, honey.', Cordy smiled back and headed for Angel's office. She hoped he wouldn't be too broody or grumpy.

'Angel? '. She entered, finding him between two piles, huge piles, of files.

'Hmm?'.

'Do you have a moment?'.

'No, but I doubt if that will stop you.', Angel said, not even looking up from his work.

'Not really, no. Anna wants to start dancing again. What do you think of that?', Cordy immediately came to the point.

'What!'. Angel looked up now. 'Start what?'.

'Dancing. Not as much as she used to, but start slowly on.'.

'But, but, the doctors said...'.

'I know what the doctors said, but she will take it easy. Helen will make sure she does so. Angel, you know how much this means to her.'

'She'll overestimate herself!', Angel protested. Anna was his only child, 'the' only child he would ever have, and he was planning to have her around for much longer than today, preferably as healthy as can be.

'No, she won't! And if she does we'll be around to call her back. Just give her a chance, she wants this so badly.', Cordy said with her sweetest smile.

'Fine...', Angel eventually gave in, and then sighed. 'She still has a long way to go, doesn't she?'.

'Yea... But she made the first step'.

* * *

Thank you all those lovely people who still read my fic! I hope you liked the chapter! I had just one question: is it very obvious that English isn't my first language, or can't you really tell? Please review and tell me :). I'll try and update soon! 


	9. Nothing but a shadow

**9. Nothing but a shadow**

Everyone in Helen's dance class was glad that Anna started to train again. When their dance teacher announced that she would slowly start joining the group-trainings again they were even more thrilled.

Except Jennifer.

She really wished Anna all the luck of the world, but she'd only recently started to get some appreciation for her improvement..., and now Anna would come back and she'd be nothing but a shadow again.

She just smiled at Anna when they saw each at her, and they even had some small talk, but the good friends they once were had disappeared.

Of course the teenagers in the dance group and Helen weren't the only ones who were thrilled. Anna herself was head over heels too! She could 'dance' again!

Things actually went a lot quicker than she had expected. Once she joined the group again it was like she'd never been gone! Okay, so maybe she had more pain and had to rest more often, but that would eventually pass as well.

Anna was more serious and goal-driven than ever. She was working on a dance- choreography for a new Juilliard audition, and a new winter performance in Helen's group was coming up to. On the day of the audition for that she met Jennifer in the changing room.

'Hey Jenny.', she greeted her while she started to put on her dancing clothes which consisted of a black pair of trainings trousers and a lilac- coloured top.

'Hey.', Jenny said. She had already put on her dance clothes and was now busy looking for her toe shoes which had to be somewhere in her bag.

'So, ready for the audition?', Anna asked her, tying her blond hair up in a classical bun.

'Sure.', Jennifer replied. 'More ready than you, hopefully.', she muttered under her breath.

'Excuse me?'.

'Nothing. I'm ready, what about you'.

'As ready as can be. I've never danced _'Carmen' _before, but I'm very anxious to do so. I really want to get the main part! I really worked hard for it.', Anna said, so into her own determination to reach her goal that she actually forgot that maybe Jennifer wanted the main part as well!

'I bet you did.', Jennifer replied, turning her back on Anna so she could roll her eyes.

'What's wrong?', Anna frowned.

'I'm fine. I'm up first, so I'd better go.'.

Before Anna could say a word, she turned around and left the changing room. Confused and not understanding Jennifer's sudden attitude Anna finished changing and followed Jenny into the dancehall several minutes after. She took place on a bench along with the other teenagers and watched as Jennifer did her audition. She was rather surprised to find out it was actually very good. In the time she'd been back in the group Anna had never really taken the time to notice the improvement of the other dancers. She'd been too busy with herself...

Both Anna and Jennifer gave Helen a really hard time deciding who would get the role of Carmen. Jennifer was still really good and kept surprising her with sudden improvement of difficult techniques, but Anna worked very hard as well, which was, in her condition, worth a praise. Both deserved to dance the main part.

Yet only one of them could.

'Ok, _mes enfants_! Everyone gather over here!', Helen exclaimed the next day when she had finally, after a long night she had spent pondering, made her decision. She liked both girls and hated to have to disappoint one of them.

'Remember, children, there are 'no' small parts, only small dancers.'.

Every nodded impatiently, wishing she would just get this over with.

And so she did.

'Let's start with the boys.', she said. A lot of boys had done audition for the male part of Don José, so they waited slightly impatient.

'Don José: Liam.', Helen announced, and Anna's heart skipped a beat. She really had to get this part now! She wanted to dance with Liam again so badly, it seemed like ages ago! Thrilled, she listened to the other boys getting their parts.

'Escamilio: Thomas. Zuniga: Alexander.'.

The rest of the boys got smaller parts, yet not unimportant. And then, finally, it was the girls' turn.

'Carmen: Anna.'.

Anna smiled, not really surprised, just happy. Jennifer was forgotten now, her , Liam, and the ballet were all that mattered now. In that exact order, she wondered afterwards.

Jennifer got a part too, of course. You could say that after Anna she was the most important female character. She was happy with her role, but still thought it wasn't fair. Okay, maybe it was. Anna had indeed done her best for this, but so did she! Jenny was sure 'her' audition had been the best, and that Helen had only given Anna the role because she'd been through so much and everything. In that case, it wasn't fair at all. Anna was good, yes. But 'not' good enough.

Not this time.

The following weeks were very busy for the young dancers. Their school expected them to put school on the first place, while Helen expected them to put ballet on the first place. It was a constant dilemma for everyone to find a perfect balance between those two things. A week before Christmas, it was performance night. The whole day everyone was in the dance school; rehearsing, helping getting all the decors ready, or just enjoying the familiar and somewhat comfortable tension of the pre-performance ambiance.

It was Anna's first performance since she had come back, and she was more nervous than she would like to admit. 2 hours before the '_moment supreme'_, she locked herself in Helen's dressing room to think about everything. She soon came to a conclusion, and went to find Jennifer in the main changing room.

'Hey, Jen?'.

Jennifer looked up, barely able to hide her jealousy. 'Hmm?'.

'We should talk.', Anna said seriously, and sat on the floor. Jennifer took place next to her.

A silence followed.

'What happened to us, Jen?', Anna eventually asked. 'We used to be such good friends. How did we end up like this?'.

Jennifer shrugged, shocked to have Anna starting about this right before such an important happening. 'Do you really want to know?'.

Anna nodded.

'Fine. You're selfish, Anna.'.

'What?'.

'You're selfish, and you 'always' get what you want, only because you're you and smile that pretty smile of yours!'. She was almost in tears now, but it was good to show Anna how she felt for once and to let all the anger out. 'All you care about is dancing, and so that's what you'll do no matter who you hurt with it!', she continued, crying.

Anna staid surprisingly calm, although she couldn't deny this was rather hard for her to hear.

'Maybe you're right, maybe I am selfish. I just have a goal and I'm determined to reach that..'.

Both girls were crying by now.

'I... I guess sometimes I'm pretty jealous of you.', Jennifer admitted.

It was Anna's turn to be surprised now. 'You? Jealous, of me? But I'm jealous of 'you'! I wish I'd grown up in such a happy family like yours, I wish 'I' had your looks, and 'your' brains and talents!'.

'You're just lying to make me feel better.'.

'No, I'm not. And I think you should dance Carmen. Your audition was better, I just think Helen didn't want to reject me or something.'.

'So do you mean.. Are you saying...'.

Anna nodded with a smile. 'Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I know you can do it, I've seen you dance it. You deserve this, Jennifer.'.

'But what about you?'.

'I'll dance your part. There are no small parts, only small dancers, remember?'.

Anna danced Jennifer's part , and felt good about it. She knew she had done the right thing. She wasn't the only 'leading lady' anymore. Things had changed, and Anna accepted that now. Eventually.

Also, Jennifer danced Anna's part. She did the best she could and danced even better than in '_Coppélia'_ last year.

After the performance, Helen ran over to them immediately. 'Girls! Girls! There was a man from Juilliard watching us! He wants to say something! ', she exclaimed with the enthusiasm of an excited little child.

All turned to the man on stage, curious for what he would have to say. He took the microphone and started.

'Good evening. My name is Edward Brooks, and as you might know I'm from the performing art school Juilliard. I was sent to several dance- performances to find 'that one new, young talent', and give him or her the opportunity to express that talent on Juilliard, with the help of a scholarship.'. He paused for a moment to let his words sink in.

Anna and Jennifer exchanged a surprised look.

'After seeing, indeed, a 'lot' performances, I finally made a choice. I choose a very fresh, young, talent. Jennifer Warner.'.

All the people started clapping, and as in a dream Jenny walked forward and got on stage. Edward shook her hand and passed her the microphone, giving her the opportunity to say something. Jennifer really couldn't believe 'she' had actually 'won' something! For once, she was not just a shadow.

She took the microphone from Edward and desperately searched for the right words.

'Sometimes...', she started. 'Sometimes life doesn't go the way you want it to... Sometimes no matter what you do turns out wrong. And sometimes, it goes so terribly wrong that you'll never be able to make up anymore. That happened to me, too. I screwed up so badly I still can't believe it. Because of my selfish desire to fit in, I almost killed a friend. Almost. She survived, and forgave me. But apparently, I hadn't screwed up enough yet. I did a lot of things to hurt her, and still she doesn't hate me. She even gave me the opportunity to dance her role, so I can stand her tonight instead of her...', Jennifer paused to breath, and to allow a tear to run down her cheek.

'I don't know... why... I did those things... and I also don't know how to make up for them. But I do know something else: I don't belong here. I'm not as determined to become a ballerina as my friend. I don't have the skills. And I have never put dancing as my number one priority either. Who really knows me knows dancing isn't my life, my destiny, or my greatest desire. And that's why I would like to give this amazing opportunity to someone who in fact 'is' all these things, to someone who really does deserve it. Anna Chase. She hasn't danced the main part tonight, but as my dance teacher always says: 'There are no small parts, only small dancers.'.

Surrounded by the sound of applause, Anna joined her friend on stage. She hadn't forgotten the day she'd told Jenny she wasn't sure whether she'd be able to forgive her.. With a little yet happy smile she took the microphone.

'Jennifer's right, life doesn't always go the way we want it to. She may have done silly things, she's not the only one...'. Anna put down the microphone and turned to face Jennifer.

'I forgive you.', she whispered.

The audience was thrilled, and they showed it.

Both girls went off stage together. And while Anna did so, and glanced at the clapping audience, she met Josh's eyes.

The End

* * *

Thank you all for reading my ficcy! I hope you all enjoyed and stuff. There will be more Anna-stories probably. Any ideas? Review and tell me, I'm having a bit of a writers-block. Hopefully you'll read more from me soon!

xxx-


End file.
